The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
A cooking competition where contestants make whatever they want but my husband wanders around the kitchen and stands in front of the drawer they need
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 18, 2022
I told the liquor store guy about a drink I made with this gin he sold me and he was like, "Congratulations you invented a Tom Collins."
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) May 18, 2022
The eye doctor will SEE me in a minute? Must be freaking nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙄
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 18, 2022
having a crush has cured my depression! now it’s anxiety’s time to shine
— Sahana Srinivasan (@sahana_srini) May 18, 2022
Me writing the beginning of my book: ooooh the plot thickens!!
— Elana A. Mugdan 🐉 (@dragonspleen) May 16, 2022
Me writing the middle of my book: hmm the plot thinnens
this was not in the choreography. why my little cousin do this at the end? 😂 pic.twitter.com/A2TRcjD21w
— • danny. ✨ (@danny_blanks) May 15, 2022
whenever an article of clothing says “dry clean only” i like to test that theory by throwing it in the washing machine
— dove 🕊 (@lovedoveclarke) May 18, 2022
The problem with Netflix recommendations is they assume I “liked” a show just because I watched 13 hours of it
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) May 17, 2022
I do love nyc like I was just walking home alone & was a little freaked and almost as though he knew, a rat popped out of a pile of garbage and sort of kept pace with me for like 4 blocks?? kinda sweet like having a tiny disease-infested chaperone
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 19, 2022
Love that all these dudes are like "I won't sleep with this year's Sports Illustrated cover model" as though that was ever an option
— Geraldine (@everywhereist) May 17, 2022
Thinking about how my sister’s college friend was nicknamed “Burgers” cause one time he talked about grilling burgers too enthusiastically. You have to be careful
— Erin Somers (@SomersErin) May 15, 2022
at work today i served a little girl some ice cream, and her mom says “honey, what do u say?” And she looks me dead in the eyes and says “I love u” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
— a plate of bamya (@NourAbadiii) May 14, 2022
“take a look at my girlfriend, she’s the only one i got / not much of a girlfriend, i never seem to get a lot” is such an insane thing to say
— kass (@kassianeckles) May 14, 2022
My mom mispronounce stuff not cuz she can’t talk, but bc she like her version better 😭
— That Bitch Aint Got No Favorite Movie! (@so14below) May 18, 2022
My boyfriend said I keep trying to buy him “weird shirts” and they’re just shirts that aren’t given out for free at sporting events or bars
— Amy Silverberg (@AmySilverberg) May 18, 2022
i abruptly close the dELiA*s catalog, crack my knuckles, and apply a thick, chunky layer of dr. pepper lip smackers. it’s time to Ask Jeeves what happened to the roanoke colony
— Lillian Stone (@originalspinstr) May 17, 2022
i say “this my song” to about 50 songs
— juju 💰 (@ihyjuju) May 16, 2022
Just heard a woman yell “noooo my phone” from inside a porta potty. Wishing her nothing but the best.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 14, 2022
I just be minding my business and next thing you know a payment is due lol
— Ladimonroe_ (@Ladimonroe22) May 17, 2022
i told my bf “i never love you more than right after you take a good picture of me” and he was like “you need to keep things like that to yourself”
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) May 15, 2022
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