Every week, we round up the most hilarious tweets from moms and dads. As 2017 draws to a close, it’s time to laugh at the best parenting tweets from the whole year (because, let’s be honest, we could use some extra laughter this year).
Scroll down to read the best of 2017 and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me expecting my 1st baby: I'll love him and guide him and always be there
Me now: JUST FIGURE IT OUT I MEAN C'MON GUYS JEEZ I JUST SAT DOWN
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 9, 2017
Well, you're up early.
-Me, greeting my children every morning since they were born
— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) March 27, 2017
My 2-year-old called the vehicle for sick people a "wee woo truck" and now I don't even remember what the right name is anymore.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2017
Receptionist at pediatrician’s office: Child’s birth date and year?
Me, mother of 3: Wow ok I didn’t know there was going to be maths *nervous laughter* let’s see he’s four, it was late April or May, rainy I think, he’s a classic Gemini if that helps, this isn’t in his file?
— Honest Toddler’s Mom (@HonestToddler) December 1, 2017
Never was there a woman so sought after as a mother talking on the phone OHMYGOD I'LL ANSWER YOUR 37 QUESTIONS WHEN I'M OFF GET AWAY FROM ME
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) January 5, 2017
No One Listens Until I Yell: the name of my parenting memoir.
— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) August 24, 2017
I love my kids more than life itself, and also please for the love of God say it's their bedtime.
— Walking Outside With Scrooge (@WalkingOutside) November 27, 2017
[montage of my toddler violently entering my bedroom every morning]
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 31, 2017
The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 5, 2017
When your son pours himself a cup of milk from the gallon jug, and your life flashes before your eyes.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) June 3, 2017
Naptime is better described as the eye of the hurricane.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 26, 2017
Mondays are hard. Mondays with kids are some type of human survival experiment.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 13, 2017
2yo is passed out, clutching a fist full of fries. She's 100% mine.
— Lilly (@misslillytoyou) October 4, 2017
Just dry shampoo'd and Febreze'd my kid on his way out the door so no I'm not really interested in your family's morning chore chart, Laura.
— Valerie ❤️s Presents (@ValeeGrrl) September 26, 2017
Me: How do you want your steak cooked?
Kids: Cook it so it tastes like chicken nuggets.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 18, 2017
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was to convince parents that a Hamper Hoop would get their kids to put dirty clothes in the laundry
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) September 13, 2017
When my kids make me food out of Play-Doh I always eat it and that's what makes me a better father than you.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 9, 2017
*Starts cutting the chicken of the person next to me at a dinner party out of habit*
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 22, 2017
Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 2, 2017
[Married Pillow Talk]
Husband: Tell me what you want..
Me: I want you to take our kid to soccer practice tomorrow.
— Sara Says Stop here Santa 🎄 (@PetrickSara) August 14, 2017
4-year-old: "Mommy, I accidentally flushed the potty over and over and the pee-pee water flowed everywhere, so I ran away."
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 6, 2017
The fun part about taking three kids out to eat is guessing whether you're going to end up eating 4 meals or zero.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 17, 2017
Kids don't have a volume knob, they have a volume roulette wheel.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) October 3, 2017
The 4 yr old is wandering the house in a life jacket, crying b/c it's clipped. He also cried when I unclipped it.
We don't even own a boat.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 18, 2017
Ordering an "artisan" pizza makes you feel young & trendy again while watching Boss Baby with your kids for the 800th time.
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) September 14, 2017
A parenting manual but it's just a long list of places to hide the tape.
— 🔔MamaJingles🔔 (@MamaFizzles) September 13, 2017
Me- Sits on toilet
Children - QUICK EVERYONE!! Mom called a family meeting in the bathroom!! Bring in toys, blankets and your best stories
— Cydni Beer (@themessednest) October 16, 2017
My kids throw a lot of shade for tiny people completely dependent on me for survival.
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) May 24, 2017
I've never won anything on a game show, but a three year old at my kid's daycare just tried to give me a set of car keys.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 23, 2017
My kid lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy doesn’t have anything less than a $20 bill.
This is not the motherhood I envisioned.
— Lady Lawya 🎄 (@Parkerlawyer) October 20, 2017
The worst part of my husband getting up with the kids is trying to decide if I should join him, or escape out the window & start a new life.
— Lauren Mulled Cider (@DraggingFeeties) March 2, 2017
I’m not saying kids ruin your life, I’m just saying mine told her teacher all about my chin hair.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) October 12, 2017
Sometimes I screw up my own kid's name but I can name at least 5 dogs from Paw Patrol.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 9, 2017
Doing homework with your kids really shows you what you're made of. Currently I'm made of tears, rage and wine.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 20, 2017
The Game of Thrones theme song is playing in Barnes and Noble so I can feel like a badass reading Peppa Pig to my 3yo on a kiddie bench.
— Dad's Take (@DadsTake) April 11, 2017
I've never been serenaded, but I have been followed through the house by someone reading me "another funny thing" from Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 25, 2017
Y'all don't even know the level of patience required for me to allow my 3y.o. to get the small cart at the grocery store.
— MumMumMommyChristmas 🎄 (@tinyandtired) October 18, 2017
People are like "it takes a village to raise a child" and I'm like "can u give me the address for that village?" cause I could use the help
— Brandon Andrina (@proathomedad) September 3, 2017
Nothing in my wedding vows prepared me for how much of our lives we would spend talking about the size and shape of our kids' poop.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 3, 2017
Some kid at the pool: wanna see me do something cool?
Me: I don't even want to see my own kid do something cool
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) July 13, 2017
If my kids could just do what I say & stop complaining about every single thing, I could be the parent I always wanted to be.
— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) July 11, 2017
My kids won't go to sleep & they're driving me nuts. Also trying my first facemask so I'm about to scare the living daylights out of them.
— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) February 20, 2017
Watching a 3 year old try to sit down in a Barbie seat is pretty much the reason I had kids.
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) January 18, 2017
Kidless friend: what do you do all day?
Me: *Looks around at mess
Honestly, I'm not sure. But, it makes me really really tired.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 3, 2017