Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
The parenting books didnāt warn me that one day my 4 year old would ask me for, and I quote āa popsicle, but not a cold oneā.
— š·Marissa š§āļøš (@michimama75) October 5, 2020
Letās get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 6, 2020
The speed at which our baby goes from smiling to scream crying is something I actually really relate to in 2020.
— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) October 6, 2020
Parenting is tricky like what do you do when your 4yo greets your 11yo with āhi ugly penisā which makes everyone laugh but then she starts saying other things about him are ugly so you tell her itās not funny anymore and she gets upset cause you laughed the first time.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) October 8, 2020
My dad has been doing a huge amount of childcare for us in quarantine so Iām delighted to announce my 1-year old baby gestures and shrugs like a 64-year old Jewish man.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 4, 2020
The weather is turning so Iāve swapped out my daughterās summer outfits for cooler-weather clothes and my sonās shorts for his other shorts.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 6, 2020
What level of Stockholm Syndrome is it when your kid is like āIām building a Lego home for raccoonsā and youāre like āokā and heās like āitāll have robot securityā and youāre like āokā and then he asks if youād like to hear more and you actually say āyesā?
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 5, 2020
I tell my toddler to "ask nicely" and instead of saying please he whispers his demands and I'm not even sure that he's wrong
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) October 8, 2020
i had to try and explain why china is a country and also means fancy plates to my kid and now iām sitting here mad at an entire language
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 8, 2020
My favorite part of getting a child ready for school is when she says, "Oh yeah, it's Spirit Week and I need to dress like a tree today."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 5, 2020
Fell asleep on the couch, woke up to my 2yo trying to feed me a sandwich. Howās your day going? š
— ššø ā ļø (@I_DrinkAndText) October 6, 2020
when I was in school, sandwich bags didnāt close. you just kinda folded it over itself and hoped for the best.
— š mom mom mom mom mom š (@notmythirdrodeo) October 8, 2020
95% of parenting is literally just spreading things on bread
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 5, 2020
Beer before liquor, never been sicker, wine before soccer, ok this is actually somewhat tolerable.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 8, 2020
I just realized that naming your kid Victor is more or less the same as naming them Winner
— Anne ThĆ©riault (@anne_theriault) October 7, 2020
I asked my daughter if she knew why her soccer team was wearing pink jerseys this month and my son interrupted and said "for boobie cancer" and I'm a very proud mom
— Trick or Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 7, 2020
Reasons your toddler will wake up in the night:
— āNew-ish Momš· (@LifeThrewLemons) October 6, 2020
Nightmare
Sick
Dropped stuffed animal
He realized he fell asleep and rage-woke himself up
No really, fuck you mom, sleep is for the weak
2: Papa you're my best friend!
— A Bearer Of Dad News āš¾ (@HomeWithPeanut) October 5, 2020
Me: Aw that's so sweet-
2: Now help me clean up these Legos.
Yesterday I asked 3 how pre school was and she told me she didnāt like Karina because Karina cries really loudly so I said maybe Karinaās sad and 3 should be kind to her but at pick up today I heard Karina crying really loudly and now I donāt like her either
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 7, 2020
my wife just grounded all kids from electronics and tv for 4 days and if you need me i'll be living anywhere else but here.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 4, 2020
My 5yo not wanting to brush her hair because her āhair is tiredā is on another level of excuse that I think we can all learn from.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 3, 2020
no one:
— Nicole Chung (@nicolesjchung) October 7, 2020
12yo: ahhh do you realize that this Christmas we'll get to buy presents FOR OUR DOG
Me: Did you brush your teeth?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2020
4-year-old: Yes.
Me: All of them?
4: *stomps back into the bathroom*
Ok so Iām jealous that teachers have the power to mute my kids
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) October 7, 2020
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