Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My daughter is asking the tooth fairy for $100, âbecause I really liked that tooth.â
— Mara Thee Reporter (@marascampo) January 31, 2021
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I know we arenât supposed to have favorites but my 4 yo suggested we get back in bed and look at pictures of puppies
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 1, 2021
I asked my 4 year old why he was heading into the garage and he casually replied, "don't worry, dad, I'm just grabbing a hammer." I know I should intervene, but part of me hopes he's going to fix the loose baseboard in the hallway.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 31, 2021
Iâm 30 & married but whenever I feed my baby I hear the Avril Lavigne song Sk8r Boi - âfive years from now, she sits at home, feeding the baby sheâs all alone!â
— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) February 4, 2021
who needs nightmares when you can wake up to the whites of your childâs eyes who is silently standing next to your pillow at 2 am
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 1, 2021
my son noticed I was struggling so he brought me a cookie and told me my hair was beautiful
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) February 1, 2021
heâll be hosting his first âhow to be a good husbandâ workshop next week
My five year old was watching the snowfall and said, snow is just cloud poop
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 2, 2021
Iâll never be able to make snow angels again
Me: I love my family with all my heart.
— CurrentlyCaprece (@MommieKnwsFresh) February 3, 2021
Also me: pic.twitter.com/tuenltkGOk
I yelled âgo to bedâ so loud that I put the neighborâs kids to bed.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 2, 2021
My kid is doing virtual learning and the history teacher asked the class about great battles of the past and some kid said âthe battle of Jurassic Parkâ and I canât stop thinking about that now
— Crockettđ (@CrockettForReal) February 1, 2021
I convinced my 2 year old that her teeth would turn purple if she didnât brush them, this worked really well until she decided she wants purple teeth. I really wish Iâd gone with green
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 1, 2021
When your kids make you so proud:
— Sophy Boyle (@wyvernandstar) February 1, 2021
Years ago I took my little girl to the park. We stopped a while at the pond as there were children feeding the ducks. One kid noticed my daughter watching and offered some of his bread cubes.
'Thank you' my daughter said gravely, and ate them
I just said âOkay?â to my 4 yo and she responded quietly with âNo-kay.â đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©
— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) February 1, 2021
(My kid giving me attitude)
— Marl (@Marlebean) February 4, 2021
Me: "I pooped on you when you were born"
Not sure where Iâd be today if not for all the timely and relevant advice from my 5yo. This morning she woke me to let me know not to bite into hamburgers when they are too hot.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 30, 2021
Updated my resume so that under âSkillsâ it just says: Knows that when my kid says âmommy sing Spider-Manâ what he means is âplay the Spider-Man junkie xl remix with Michael Bubleâ
— amil (@amil) February 3, 2021
Kids in a 2nd grade Zoom class will straight up raise their hands in the middle of a math lesson to be like âMy birthday is in 8 daysâ
— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 4, 2021
My daughter is angry that I wonât let her eat icicles hanging off our house, like Iâm some kind of monster for denying her a gutter sucker.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) February 1, 2021
Me: [looking at TVs online]
— A Bearer Of Dad NewsđŹđŸ (@HomeWithPeanut) February 3, 2021
Wife: I thought we were putting that money towards a college fund?
Me: [to our 5-year-old] Hey what's 2+2?
5: Applesauce!
Wife: So what TV are we getting?
My 6 year old just told me he had to lay down & rest from being so handsome.
— Kelly (@kelly__le) January 30, 2021
Just had a 20 minute argument with my toddler over how to pronounce âhopscotchâ, and Iâm pretty sure one of us is high as fuck right now.
— Jonesy The Beautiful Idiot đšđŠ (@VikingJonesy) February 1, 2021
someone taught my son the banana fana fo fana song and oh my god
— josie duffy rice (@jduffyrice) February 2, 2021
Now that 4 is learning to read, heâs helpfully pointing out all the ways our names are spelled wrong.
— Jacki (@jaxwax04) January 31, 2021
SON: I keep getting called dumb
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) February 1, 2021
ME: by who? by other dumb kids?
SON: yeah the- did you say âotherâ
Sometimes parenting means asking the tough questions like "why is there a rock in the refrigerator?"
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 3, 2021
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