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my son is crying bc he wants to be a flamingo “not a pretend one”— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) February 8, 2021
STOP YELLING screamed the parent.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 10, 2021
My 3yo gave me a hug and said, "here is a flower just for you. I got it from the plastic tree you told me not to touch."— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 9, 2021
Me watching Goofy Movie: no way it gets any goofier than this— max paine (@PrairieIre) February 6, 2021
Me watching Extremely Goofy Movie: mother of god
[helping my kid fill out her valentine’s day cards] i’m not spelling these kids’ names like that— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 11, 2021
My daughter turned 5 today. She is currently having a meltdown bc she “still looks 4”— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) February 7, 2021
Satan: Omg im such a big fan of your work!— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) February 10, 2021
My toddler: Thank you! Did you bring me plain milk? I asked for spaghetti milk.
I let my kindergartner watch a video on embryonic & fetal development and now I can’t convince him that babies don’t start off as actual shrimp which makes seafood dinner nights very complicated.— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) February 10, 2021
[i am tucking my 4.5 y/o in]— elizabeth bruenig (@ebruenig) February 11, 2021
me: alright angel, sleep good,
jane: did you know in our house there's a secret door?
jane: you can only see it at night, in the dark
me: nope. not interested
jane: and it has a big big big room inside
me: i am begging you to stop,
"THUG LIFE"— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 6, 2021
I triumphantly whisper to myself as I vacuum up the Lego blocks my kids left out
Good morning I just gave my kid a knife to eat cereal with— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) February 10, 2021
My 11-year-old son just said that he likes to leave his hands ashy because “it will let girls know I’m strong and do hard work.” 😂— Kim Gallon (@BlackDigitalHum) February 11, 2021
[COMMERCIAL ON TV]— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 10, 2021
Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy!
Me, as an adult: Hey, I’m on that medication.
I know everyone thinks their kid is funny but unfortunately nothing has ever been funnier than when my 3 yr old got stuck under his own couch fort and then a tiny little voice said "Umm guys, a little help?"— amil (@amil) February 10, 2021
Sorry there are 26 kids in your daughter’s class and Valentines come in boxes of 24.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 9, 2021
I just told my kid I can’t read out loud for too long tonight because I have a headache and he said “have you tried drinking water? maybe you’re dehydrated” and it’s like the twitter advice squad has fully migrated into him— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) February 11, 2021
My 7 year old: *staring at my face*— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 9, 2021
Me: What is it, sweetie?
My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too?
Kids are delightful.
After being told that edamame had no English variant, my 6yo decided that Americans will refer to it as “Barbara” from here on in.— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 11, 2021
We are eating salted Barbara right now.
What weird thing did you have to say to your child recently?— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 9, 2021
Mine today: please stop acting like a dog and tell me why there’s half a banana in the bathroom
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