This article exists as part of the online archive for HuffPost Australia, which closed in 2021.

What Men Wish Women Knew About Online Dating

Photos are the first thing they look at.

In the digital age of Tinder and Happn, one of the most common questions I get asked is: "Why do men swipe right/hit the 'like' button and then go silent when there is a match?", "What makes a guy swipe right?" and "Is something wrong with my profile?"

So a few months ago, I went on a quest to find the answers. I interviewed 100+ men about online dating.

What I really wanted to know were all the things every single women wanted to know. Are men on Tinder just to hook up? Who's meant to text after a match? Should a woman be the first to text after a match? The following is a summary of what I learned.

1. You should stop using filters

Your profile photo is the first impression you'll make online. Filters that add a halo or dog ears onto your photos may be fun, but they aren't a good reflection of what you actually look like. Lose the filters or else men may think you have something to hide.

2. No duck faces

This was a recurring theme in the interviews. The men I spoke to had a massive aversion to duck faces. There was no real explanation as to why, except they thought it made the photos look too staged.

3. Your online dating profile shouldn't include all of your girlfriends

Common scenario: Katie hates taking photos alone, so when she gives online dating a go, she finds she only has photos of her and her girlfriends. Thinking it would be rude to crop them out, she uploads them anyway thinking that if a guy was really into her he would make the effort to work out which one she was.

Here's the thing though; with so many profiles online, men don't have the attention span or the time to go through all your profile pictures to figure out who you are. It's not to be taken personally, it's just the nature of online dating.

4. Tinder remains the most popular dating app

Newcomers such as Happn, Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel may have come onto the scene, but most of our guy panel still preferred Tinder.

5. Online dating isn't the only way to meet someone

Despite its growing popularity, online dating isn't the only way men are meeting single women. In fact, many of them still rely on introductions from their friends.

6. Photos are the first thing men look at in an online dating profile

When it comes to online dating, photos speak 1000 words. Photos are the first thing men look at when they're swiping through online dating profiles.

7. Who should text each other after a match?

It's a question so many women want to know. Why do guys express interest online but never text? Is it because they're waiting for the woman to make the first move? This question caused a stir among our guy panel. While some indicated that they'd be inclined to make the first move, many men we spoke to said it'd be nice if women took initiative every now and then.

As a general rule of thumb, your first message to someone should be personalised and original. If you're starting a conversation with 'hey', you might miss out on some great matches. You may have a great personality but a 'hey' and some profile pictures probably doesn't reflect that.


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