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"Homework is basically which parent is better at Google."
"I finally remembered to shave both armpits so I guess I’m a trophy wife now."
"My dad say that the LOTR trilogy is a Christmas movie 'because it has elves.'"
"A Rigged Election, fight on!" angry president calls out to his supporters.
"I wish I could say '???????' In real life, it would be very useful."
"A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, I’m married to a 'let’s circle back' guy — who knew?"
"My neck, my back, will my serotonin ever come back."
"Introverts be like: How rude of you not to invite me to something I didn't want to go."
"Zac Efron is dating a 25 year old waitress he met while she was working. It’s so hard to see someone else living your dream."