I need to talk to these people but I can't. Unfinished business. That's what it is when people in your life leave unexpectedly. You may feel that tug at the moment of change or feel it years later. For me, it threads in and out of my thoughts -- those questions. Some practical, some philosophical.

Twenty-five years ago I would have told you I was the luckiest woman in the world. I was married to my best friend who I adored and had two wonderful sons. I had it all including the home and picket fence. As it turned out, there was no luck in my marriage. The marital secrets he revealed crippled me emotionally for years after the breakup.

Of course, relationship problems do have to be discussed. But trust me -- if you improve your interactions before you talk about them, you'll spend a lot less time digging up and re-burying cats that should have been laid to rest a long time ago.

It can be so easy to become overwhelmed with what you think you should or shouldn't be doing with your time. Yet, when you've experienced the loss of a family member who was so close, you need to remember that it is okay to be a little selfish about how you run your life.

Rex Murphy helped shape the way I think. He was a shining example of the type of strong rhetorician that this country rarely produces. Now, he openly deals in hateful diatribes cast down from the pages of the National Post. This means he has become what his critics have incorrectly accused him of being all along: a shallow, reactionary demagogue. And his latest piece will only prove them right.