I am judging you if you are barking orders at your partner. That person is not your slave. Their role is to help you, support you and guide you. There was a time, before stress, when you were loving and kind, which is why you are together. Get back to that. Your life will be better.
Four years ago I made a contemptuous comment on Twitter about a dude in a speedo. It was hi-lar-ious. I envisioned thousands of favourites and retweets and "OMG YES!" replies. And all the speedo-wearing die-hards would obviously read my tweet and be converted to the side of something more sensible and loose-fitting. I was a Twitter hero. And then a friend of mine replied, "Body shame sucks." Seventeen characters to wake me up. I felt small. I had acted small.
There is a picture of a mama and her kids at the park. The kids are happily playing on the playground equipment while the mom checks a message on her phone. What could she be doing? Could a very important phone call just have come in? And who are we to judge?
Mothers compare parenting skills. It's what we do. We glance at the mom scolding her child at the grocery store and think, "SHE has clearly has lost control of this situation." But when it comes to close friends who understand our circumstances, we expect support, not judgment.