When a divorce is being bitterly contested we forget everything else, except the case. The case consumes us, and we live, eat, and breathe it. Initially, the divorce case seems like a distinct entity, almost alive, but alienated from us. But as time progresses, especially in extremely long drawn out cases, the distinction gets blurred. And before we realise it, the case becomes us. We speak about it almost as if it is a part of us with the possessive pronoun 'my case', rather than staying, 'the case filed in court'.
The use of the possessive pronoun to describe a divorce case asserts how we feel about it and what it really means to us. The divorce case becomes our life. It's as though without it, we would cease to exist. It becomes a personal crusade of sorts, where we must win, at all costs.
On each date of hearing, we trudge to the court expecting justice and to triumph over the other side. The decision in court becomes a 'character certificate' and a validation of the belief that, 'I am right, and they are wrong'. There's a certain guilt attached to missing a date as though we have purposely ignored our ailing child. As a litigant, we will organise our calendar around the dates in court, and readjust our work, social commitments. It's a loop.
The question of readjusting our time for leisure doesn't even arise. Once we are attached to our divorce case, all leisure and relaxation go out of the window.
The divorce case is dragged endlessly in court, and that can impact our emotional, physical and spiritual health. I put on so much weight when my divorce case was going on that it is a miracle that I didn't collapse. We keep waiting for the justice in court, which in India takes its own sweet time. In the meantime, we keep ignoring all other aspects of our life
We tend to forget that the divorce case is a minuscule part of our life and that the court is a subset of our life and not vice versa. Before we filed for divorce, we had a life, which included friends, family, work, leisure activities, spirituality, but all this gets relegated to the bin marked 'after my case is over'. How long the case takes to get over is almost anybody's guess.
So do we keep putting all that is precious to us in life just for the sake of a divorce case? Should we plan to live our lives only after the case is over? Unfortunately, that is what a majority of us end up doing, but we should try to change this.
Our resolution should be to remember that there is life beyond the case. We must not let the case consume us; else we will be left wondering where the time went.
The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of HuffPost India. Any omissions or errors are the author's and HuffPost India does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.
