Denis Leary

Denis Leary is a five-time loser at the Academy Of Television Arts And Sciences' annual Emmy Awards. Most recently he lost in the category of Best Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or Movie for his role as Michael Whouley in HBO's Recount.

He was then nominated for Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television for his role in Recount -- but he lost.

Denis has previously lost four times for Best Actor In A Drama and once for Best Writing In A Drama, these Emmy nominations emanating from his work on FX's critically acclaimed Rescue Me.

He was also nominated for a Best Actor Golden Globe by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for the drama, which follows New York City firefighters.

Once again -- he lost.

Mr. Leary hopes to one day get nominated for -- and more than likely not win -- an Oscar, a Grammy and a Tony Award.

In 2006 he was given an Honorary Doctorate In The Fine Arts from his obviously well-informed and very selective alma mater Emerson College, located in Boston, Massachusetts.

To celebrate this achievement and share his wit and wealth of knowledge with the rest of America, Dr. Denis Leary has written "Why We Suck - A Feel Good Guide To Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy And Stupid", which was published by Viking Press in November of 2008.

It spent almost six full months on the New York Times Bestseller List -- much of that time in the top ten, including several weeks at the number four spot thanks to an appearance on Oprah during which Ms. Winfrey simultaneously laughed at one of Dr. Leary's comments and then hugged him. Denis's mom -- a practicing Catholic who ranks Oprah second only to the Pope in terms of earthly power - immediately forgave Denis for every sin, slight and snide comment he committed during his childhood. Several days after his appearance on the show, Denis received a gift package in the mail from Harpo Productions. Now -- at least three times a week -- Denis can be found at the kitchen table sipping hot coffee from his Oprah mug while wearing a large fluffy bathrobe with the letter 'O' emblazoned across the right breast pocket.

Dr. Leary hopes this comic memoir and self-help tome will not only change the world, but also sell enough copies to pay for the university educations of his two teenage children.

And a boat.

Denis really, really wants a boat.

One of those big ones with people whose job it is to just be on the boat all the time in case -- on some sudden whim or just a champagne bender -- you decide you want to go for a ride on the ocean and look at giant fish.

Like whales.

Who are actually mammals.

(What any mammal is doing still hanging around underwater while the rest of us are up here on dry land enjoying cheeseburgers, Heidi Klum and the internet is way beyond Dr. Leary’s area of expertise.)

Dr. Leary thinks having full-time, boat-bound butlers would be pretty goddam cool.

Also, the more copies of "Why We Suck" he sells, the more likely it is he could get nominated for - and, of course, not receive -- The National Book Award.
In his long and storied entertainment career Denis has also never won The Stanley Cup, The Nobel Peace Prize or an argument with his wife.