Where to start? I have so much to say. Just to recap, I left my job as a nurse in April and went on a journey to follow my passion and see where the path led. At first that path led to euphoria and having the day to myself was heaven. I walked every morning around a place that inspired me which led to many ideas; I was in my glee. At least, until the money ran out, and no alternatives panned out for making money doing what I love, i.e., writing. So, let's just say I needed to readjust, I needed to rethink this whole thing, and I guess be practical. And as usual when you have questions, life gives you the answers.
The first answer came in the form of a blog that I absolutely adore by Alex Elle. In one of her blogs, she discusses how she made the transition into doing what she loved for a living, and she expresses that it may need to be done slowly in stages, not irresponsibly. I strongly believed that I had to give it all or nothing, and this was the first inkling that I could do it in stages and still get there eventually. I believed that if I didn't give my full attention to my writing, I wouldn't reach my full potential, but this thought process had led me to a precarious situation financially, and I had a daughter to provide for. Eventually, I did go back to work as a nurse but at a different job; one that I actually liked. It wasn't my passion, but it was tolerable, and a lot better for me on all levels than my previous job.
The second answer came as an affirmation of the first in the form of a friend. Marissa was a friend from elementary and a writer and blogger in her own right. She reached out to me to see how I was doing and after expressing my feelings of hopelessness of never living the life I wanted for myself, she suggested that I dedicate at least 30 minutes a day working towards my life goal. She specified that these 30 minutes everyday, although they may seem minuscule, will get me there or at minimum, help make my goal clearer. And I knew I could do that. I could do 30 minutes a day. I may not get any ideas flowing or actually write, but it would give me quiet time, think time and that alone time would be a blessing. More importantly, her idea helped get me out of the all or nothing mindset that was not working for me. It most definitely works for others and if I didn't have a dependent, I would definitely be committed to it, but I had to be honest with myself, this route was not going to work for me. Little by little, or in stages, appears to be the answer that life was giving me.
Acceptance of this answer, however, did not come immediately either. I was going back to work, but I wasn't happy about it. I had stopped writing when I started worrying about my finances because my thoughts were focused on conquering that problem and once I had resolved that issue through the grace of a friend (shout out to Roxy for helping get me that job), I was so focused on my failure to follow and accomplish my dreams that I didn't want to write. But then I read a post by Asiyami, another writer and blogger I adore, where she describes her struggle and eventual success of following her dreams, and that moved me. Because everyone has a struggle, I had forgotten that nothing worth having comes easily, and if I wanted it, I would have to keep having faith through all the rejections and failures. I had expressed to her how her sharing had inspired me and she took the time to respond and give me words of encouragement. I was so overwhelmed by this and my faith in humanity swelled.
(Beautiful Asiyami in all her Gorgeousness. Click her name to go to her blog.) (photo from Asiyami_gold Instagram )
My conclusion is that a balanced life is necessary. A balance of work and passion until I can make my passion my work and live happily ever after. And I am OK with that. I am happy I took the steps that led me here, and I do not regret anything even when things got tough. It took me some time to recognize the answer since I was too busy wallowing in my perceived failure, but today I finally see it clearly and just like that the light switched on and I wrote this: my first blog in a long time and I have more ideas for other articles already. I think this little-by-little strategy will work for me, and I am excited again about the possibilities that life holds and life looks hopeful.
