Funny Tweets

"everyone always says i look tired in every photo and video and first of all, i am. second of all, that’s just my face."
Monica Lewinsky was one of many Twitter users to weigh in with a witty reply.
"The key to looking amazing is looking like s**t most of the time so it’s more of a surprise"
“Being a cat owner means that your first words on most days are ‘what the f**k are you doing.'"
"Before my wife became pregnant, I always assumed Braxton Hicks was a country music artist."
"The Bachelor, but everyone eliminated is taken out Willy Wonka style."
"Shout out to all those parents who can stay calm while their children mix Play-Doh colors."
"My kids could fart and my father-in-law would be like, 'Great job! Here’s five bucks.'"
"I sure tell my family, 'Don't blame me, I don't make the rules' a lot for someone that makes literally every single rule in this house."
"CDC said I don’t have to wear a bra ever again either."