Funny Tweets

"I think my dog is just using me for my walks"
"Adopting a cat with a weird little meow is like winning the lottery"
"Sometimes, I’ll say something to my dog then he will blankly stare past me and I just know he’s seeing how I die."
"I’ve never known a Taurus placement that couldn’t cook or had bad restaurant recommendations. Baby, they have taste and it transcends all over."
"Every so often my wife sends me these cute texts like, 'Heyyy' and 'Come upstairs, your kids clogged their toilet.'"
"does anyone else have a pet that nags them to go to sleep? like, do you have work tomorrow or something lil bro??"
"Thought some notification had come in on my husband’s phone but turned out it was the cat snoring."
“Just met 4 dachshunds in the park called Gary, Steve, Kevin and Dave, and my day improved by approximately 659%”
"having a pet rlly shows u how pure love can be, like me n this lil creature love each other to DEATH and nvr held a conversation."
"Once you’ve taken a nap with a dog in the middle of the day, how can you continue to believe in capitalism even a little bit"