"Shoutout to everybody who already burped into their own face via mask."
"I’m at the watching Christmas movies stage of quarantine."
"My wife managed to open a jar of pickles herself and I am now nonessential."
The coronavirus pandemic is putting everything in perspective — including couples' wedding vows.
"Lots of mothers gonna be surprised when their Mother's Day gift is a barrel of oil."
"Take it down a notch, not everything has to be a zoom call."
"LMNOP is truly the party zone of the alphabet."
"Watching Trolls 2 while having a daytime margarita is something I would’ve been doing regardless of Covid."
"It’s all fun and games creating children who act just like you until you’re isolated in a house with them 24/7."
"Had to fake an injury to get out of doing some of these chores I’ve been telling my wife I would do as soon as I had the time."