"Forever 21 sounds more like a witch’s curse than a clothing store."
"My three-year-old son just asked me, 'Can you take me to the Vampire State Building?'"
"My fav part of living alone is burning my mouth on a pizza bagel & spitting it onto the floor."
These late-night hosts found plenty to laugh about after President Donald Trump failed to persuade North Korea to get rid of its nukes.
"Love is strong enough to move mountains but apparently not dishes from the sink to the dishwasher."
"You can’t swipe left on a coworker’s face no matter how annoying they are."
"My wife spent 6 weeks researching customer reviews of vacuum cleaners and one time I bought a new car because I had the same dog as the guy on the commercial."
These vow readings are unique, to say the least.
"New year, new me"? Good luck with that.
“Cringeworthy” doesn’t begin to describe these breakups.
"The only package I want this Christmas is yours."
“I don’t see it as ‘Costco Free Samples.’ I see it as a free 17 course meal.”
The Department of Justice isn’t the only one that struggles with copy and paste.
"A panic room, but for quickly shoveling all my family’s clutter into when guests stop by unexpectedly."
"If you like someone breathing 2 inches from your face while throwing a wrench in anything you're trying to accomplish, parenting might be for you"
Rick Stein was receiving cancer treatment at a hospital when he decided to break out, commandeer a single-engine plane and take flight over the Atlantic Ocean, she wrote.