"Anyone hoping for a peaceful transition has never had to pull a toddler out of a Chuck E. Cheese."
"Having a dog means you feel guilty going o-u-t to e-a-t."
"I can’t walk the walk or talk the talk, but if you need someone to snack the snack, I’m your girl."
The 2020 campaign has been strange, to say the least. Shouldn't the election swag be, too?
"Why would I spend $5 on a bag of apples at the store when I can wear warm fall clothes in 88° weather and pay $36 for our family to pick them ourselves."
"That Hakuna Matata sequence where Simba grows up but it’s me turning into my mom."
"Should I live in New York where people think I’m stupid or LA where people think I’m ugly?"
"My teenager’s biggest fear is me sneezing in front of someone she knows."
The “Veep” star relentlessly joked about President Donald Trump while hosting the last night of the Demoratic National Convention.
Twitter users have found humor in the nightmare of multilevel marketing companies.