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10 Absurd Things Nobody Tells You About Having Children

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What is it that nobody tells you about having children? originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights.

Answer by James Altucher, blogger, author, Wall Street investor, on Quora:

Having children is awful. There are benefits that we all know about, but let's stick with awful for a second.

A) A one-foot-tall US citizen suddenly moves into your house and you are forced to deal with it. It's like an invading army is taking over your home.

B) This one-foot-tall US citizen doesn't speak English and yet demands you understand it twenty four hours a day.

C) This new roommate you are forced to tolerate cries all the time. Deal with it.

D) This new roommate that you are basically required to love shits on the floor or shits in their pants and expects you to clean it.

E) You are expected to feed your new roommate and they have less motor control then someone with no arms and no legs.

F) Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, you are required to make sure this one-foot-tall human doesn't kill themselves by mistake. If they do, you might go to jail.

G) You have to touch their dirty genitals when you clean them. Oh yeah, you have to clean them. A lot.

H) At night (if you are a man), they climb in bed with the love of your life and suck on her breasts. If this were a normal roommate you might kick them out of your house at that point. But now it's against the law to do that.

I) You and your spouse have gone from being lovers to being "parents." It's the most fun thing in the world to be a lover. It's so much fun that we spend almost every moment thinking and dreaming about loving. It's not as fun to be a parent.

J) You have no idea if this one-foot-tall person will turn into someone you like or hate when they are five feet tall. It's sort of random, although you hope for the best.

I have two daughters. They are the loves of my life.

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