Adam Segel, CEO of Jack'd, offers his advice on how to make better first impressions when chatting with other guys online
People use gay apps like Jack'd for all kinds of reasons. Whether you're looking for a relationship, a new friend or a hot encounter, location-based social apps are a great way to go. But as we all know, apps can bring out some real basic behavior too. Relative anonymity and the sheer number of guys available to chat with mean some dudes take shortcuts or seriously lack game. I've got 10 examples below -- super annoying chat tactics that I think we can all agree have overstayed their welcome.
It's 2015 guys -- let's resolve to avoid and ignore these too-common chat tactics:
1. The Infamous Headless Torso.
Those sexy, artful body shots are great for secondary pictures -- but most guys want to see your eyes before meeting in person. I understand that not everyone has the luxury of being out and proud, but if you're going to try to engage people in conversation, you should at least have the ability to reveal a face pic privately. And those pics of puppies and sunsets or the one of you as a tiny speck in the center of some unbelievable landscape? All those shots really just suggest that you're hiding something.
2. Unwanted Junk Male.
We get it. "If you got it, flaunt it." But there's something to be said about building suspense. Would you walk into a bar and go up to some dude and whip your junk out before even saying hello? Okay, maybe you would, but try flirting and a little civil conservation first -- save the good stuff for the grand finale.
3. Nude Behavior.
While we're on the subject... try saying something clever or cordial before asking me to drop my drawers. In fact, don't ask me to send you any nudes until we've established some sort of rapport. Guys are visual beings but not everyone wants to feel shaken down for dirty pics. We're not here to feed your spank bank -- that's what Tumblr is for!
4. Racism and Homophobia.
Show some respect. Saying you're not into "Blacks, Asians, Fats or Femmes" makes you look racist, internally homophobic and insensitive to minorities or anyone with a less-than-perfect body. Stay positive and try writing about how great you are and who your dream guy is.
5. Playing The Shame Game.
The gay community has come a long way -- we don't need to further wedge prejudices amongst ourselves. Shaming people for their sexual activities or HIV-status makes you look uneducated and insensitive. Period.
6. Attention Whores.
Sure, I was talking to you a minute ago but just because I stopped doesn't mean all of a sudden I am ignoring you. Guys that go ballistic when they feel like they are being ignored look crazy. People have lives and get interrupted. It's normal to prioritize real life over online chats. Deal with it.
7. Hollow Conversations.
Compliments and pleasantries like, "how's it going," "you're hot" or "sexy chest" are nice (sometimes) but they don't help to keep the conversation going. There are only so many ways to say "I'm fine, how are you?" Try looking at his profile and think of something original to open with. Find a mutual interest, ask him a question or comment on his tastes. You'll be amazed by how they might open up to you.
8. Thirsty Games.
Don't assume everyone is DTF. Ain't nothing wrong with a little bump and grind but not everyone is here for the random, NSA fun. Immediately launching into questions about sexual positions, equipment size and the 'if's, when's and where's' of a potential hookup come across as desperate. Let's identify individual motives before going straight to Uber.
9. Stalker Mentality.
Remember: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, then expecting different results. Sometimes guys need to take a step back and realize that maybe he just doesn't want to chat right now -- or ever. If you've messaged him twelve times with no response, you should probably reconsider message thirteen.
10. False Advertising.
Come on fellas, we're not asking you to write a small novella, but enough to give your potential suitors something to work with. Use a recent (less than a year old), unaltered photo of you that clearly shows your face. Don't lie about your age, height or weight. They're going to find out eventually so the more up front you are, the less likely you're going to be hurt when they figure out you're not who you said you were.
We've all been guilty of at least one of these chat tactics at some point. It's all good -- totally understandable. Sometimes the line between our digital lives and real world can be fuzzy. Whether you're looking for a romantic dinner, a hot hookup or a gym buddy, there are many ways to go about achieving your goal. The important thing to remember is to treat one another with respect. And to have fun.
In other words: Don't be an #apphole.