10 Best Topical Jokes of the Week

10 Best Topical Jokes of the Week
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© 2010 Image created for Mark Miller by Nancy DeFrance

A rare "panda cow," which is a miniature cow with marking similar to a panda, was born this week on a farm in Colorado. Still not as weird as the "laughing hyena octopus."

Captain Owen Honors, who commands the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier USS Enterprise, was temporarily relieved of duty on Tuesday after lewd videos surfaced that he created on board the ship. Commented Honors, "I was just trying to entertain my seamen."

According to a new survey, 22 percent of people believe it is acceptable to be online while having sex. Wow, talk about Friending someone.

One of the bright spots in the hard-hit furniture industry is an increase in sales of home theater-style seating and couches. In fact, they're so authentic that many of them come with chewing gum already stuck underneath.

According to new research, being touched by other people has many health benefits, including lowering blood pressure, boasting the immune system and relieving pain. Good to know that hookers finally have a marketing strategy.

A man in Florida was arrested for robbing a bank after his wife saw a surveillance photo on the evening news and alerted police. I bet now he's sorry he got her a vacuum cleaner for Christmas.

On Wednesday, Nancy Pelosi swore in John Boehner as the new Speaker of the House and handed over her gavel saying, "I now pass this gavel, which is larger than most gavels here." Smart. Get on the Republicans' good side by making them feel good about their large gavels.

On Wednesday, John Boehner was sworn in as the new Speaker of the House and promised "transparency, greater accountability and a renewed focus on the Constitution." Nice to see these politicians are employing comedy writers.

A dog in South Carolina can reportedly understand more than 1000 words. Unfortunately, none of them are "stop," "fetch," or "down, boy."

A transsexual man and woman in the Czech Republic, who married each other after getting sex change operations, say that they are proud that their son has undergone a sex change operation and is now a woman. The three will be starring in the upcoming reality TV show, "Really Confused Idol."

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