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10 Drinks You Should Never Ever Drink on Valentine's Day

What about drinks for the rest of us, the grumpy curmudgeons and sad singles of the anti-Valentine's vanguard?
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Picking a romantic cocktail is relatively easy. You can go with Champagne, go classic or, yes, go red.

What about drinks for the rest of us, the grumpy curmudgeons and sad singles of the anti-Valentine's vanguard?

These 10 cocktails are great to sip while you binge-watch Netflix, tear up photos of your ex or enjoy whatever other fun, anti-Valentine's day plans you have in store.

The White Russian is a great, classic drink. The Big Lebowski is a great, classic film. Neither, though, is in the least bit romantic.

On the other hand, if you don’t have a date, there are worse ways to spend an evening than staking out a spot on the couch with a beverage and The Dude.

Get the recipe for the White Russian.
The Bloody Mary is a brilliant invention unrivaled in the brunch beverage arena (sorry, Mimosa, it’s true).

Ingredient-wise, it’s an infinitely malleable drink. Interesting because its context is definitely not. The Mary is a morning drink. Ideally a Saturday or Sunday morning, surrounded by friends, starchy food and vague recollections of the previous night.

What the Bloody Mary is not is an aphrodisiac. But if you’re already eschewing the normal lovey-dovey V-Day activities, there’s nothing to stop you from enjoying a few of these at night.

Get the recipe for the Bloody Mary.
This drink makes the list not for its taste, but for its lack of taste.

Ordering this—or any other drink from the “colorfully” named branch of cocktail taxonomy—is a surefire way to kill the mood. Featuring Jägermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice, this is a drink meant for sorority parties, not intimate evenings.

Does anything set the heart aflutter quite like the mental image of a rushing wall of liquid dirt and debris destroying everything in its path? Actually, yes: many, many things. Unfortunately, this creamy, icy blend of Kahlúa, Bailey’s, vodka and milk is not one of them.

It might also be the only time that directions including “if desired, drizzle with chocolate syrup” have ever seemed totally unsexy. Blend up several with your closest lactose-intolerant friends, and enjoy the platonic stomach aches.

Get the recipe for the Mudslide.
Though likely named after a Rudolph Valentino film about bullfighting, it’s still hard to imagine this drink anywhere near lips whispering sweet nothings.

On paper, the Blood & Sand looks like a car wreck: Scotch, sweet vermouth, cherry brandy and…orange juice. In reality, it’s a complex and intriguing cocktail. Unfortunately for Scotch lovers, that in no way turns it into a Valentine’s day drink. Pro-tip: Ordering this while sitting alone at the bar on Valentine’s Day is an easy way to let strangers know you aren’t waiting for anyone.

Get the recipe for the Blood & Sand.
A chocolatey, coffee-infused martini is a good decision if you are so bored by your date that you need a little pick-me-up. Unfortunately, letting your date know they are that boring is generally considered a faux-pas.

If Valentine’s rolls around and you find yourself alone in a crowd of doe-eyed Champagne sippers, by all means, order one.

Get the recipe for the Espresso Martini.
Like the Blood & Sand, the Rusty Nail is one of the rare bunch of classic cocktails built around a Scotch base.

An equal-parts mix of Drambuie and Scotch, this drink is a good, simple sipper. Despite allegedly being a favorite of the Rat Pack, the Rusty Nail conjures the smoky rooms and constant drinking of the era, not the romance.

Get the recipe for the Rusty Nail.
No. No, no, no, no, no. Do we really even have to explain this one? Caveat: If you are throwing an anti-Valentine’s day party at your frat or first apartment, this is totally acceptable and even encouraged. Bottom’s up!

Get the recipe for Jello Shots.
Hot. Buttered. Rum. This is a delicious wintery recipe that, like chicken pot pie, long underwear or puffy jackets, is functional and useful—but not sexy. For an unromantic (but cathartic) February 14, stay home and mix up several while eating ice cream straight out of the container.

Get the recipe for the Hot Buttered Rum.
Probably the most famous Boilermaker fan in cinematic history is Walter Matthau’s character in the original 1976 The Bad News Bears...and he’s a grumpy, aging alcoholic. As an anti-romance tool, though, this beer and shot combo is a winning team.

Get the recipe for the Boilermaker.

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