10 New Uses For Old Phone Booths

Gone are the days when a person talked on a telephone in a large town with glass walls surrounding him. Have you heard that NYC will be removing the actual telephones in their obsolete phone booths and installing Wi Fi hubs instead?

Yep, that was the winning entry in their contest with a theme of how to repurpose old phone booths. But wait, here are ten of my own unique ideas!

LISTEN UP BIG CITIES!

1. Time-Out Booths for Your Misbehaving Kids. Sit them firmly down in the bean-bag chair, holding a sign stating, "I was naughty so now I'm in Time-Out." (Also helps reinstate the word "naughty" as parent admonishment and not just for vocabulary in the BDSM community.)

2. We're Your Biggest Fan! Cooling devices installed on all four sides and the ceiling expressly for menopausal women who need to tame a hot-flash. Or for glamour models on their way to photographer's studios requiring that sexy, tousled-haired look, but who are too cheap to invest in wind-blowing machines.

3. Weigh To Go! For dieters who need to step on a scale to see if they should go for the New York style pizza or just stick to low cal sushi.

4. "I Just Need a Moment" -- a comfy chair and curtains for when you feel embarrassed and would like some privacy. After you've stepped on the scale in #3 would be just such an example.

5. Rinse & Spit Please! -- Equipped with mini-sink, disposable toothbrush, paste, and floss. Because you can't just show up for your hygienist and immediately demand to brush your teeth before your routine cleaning, can you? That's cheating!

6. Once Upon a Time -- A clock, a mirror and a blowdryer. For all the occasions you run out of the house with damp hair because you're trying to beat the clock. Talking mirror utters the following phrases, "Snow White is the fairest of them all." Or "Hey, nice blow-job!" Or dispenses a single white glove while singing, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror / I'm asking him to change his ways / And no message could have been any clearer... la la la la"

7. A Tisket, a Casket -- Leave the original telephone inside and turn the phone booth horizontally on the ground with a silk lining and a sobering sign proclaiming, "Here lies the reason we used to be able to say, "Here's a dime - Go call someone who cares!" That's right folks, it's a proper burial for The Death of the Pay Phone.

8. Costume Changing Station -- A hook with a red cape with a big "S' hanging on it and a pair of nerdy glasses for all those Clark Kent wannabees. "It's a bird, it's a plane . . . "

9. A pinball machine or a Jukebox -- Just to remind us that these objects are even more archaic than telephone booths.

10. "It's Alive!" Alcove -- Fill it with water, add lobster, crab and salmon and drape a fishing pole over the top with a sign, "Teach a man to fish . . . " Alternatively, turn it into a cage with a talking parrot that screeches, "ET, Phone home!"

OR . . . Just leave it vacant with a sign stating, "Please go inside and shut the door so when you jabber incessantly on your cellular device, the rest of us don't have to be subjected to your divorce proceedings, your grocery list, or the lab results from your physician.

(And by the way, I overheard your cholesterol numbers . . . better stick to the sushi tonight.)

For more laughs, visit the author on her humor blog RIGHT HERE.