10 Other Things Ben Carson Would Have Done Better Than You

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Ben Carson is getting a lot of flack for responding to the recent Oregon school shooter's massacre by saying: "Not only would I probably not cooperate with him, I would not just stand there and let him shoot me, I would say, 'Hey guys, everybody attack him. He may shoot me, but he can't get us all.'"

Benjamin also recently insinuated that if only Germany's Jews had had the courage to hold on to the small number of personal firearms available to them in 1938 that they might have somehow toppled one of the most powerful, totalitarian, fascist military regimes in the history of the world with their moxie. He dismissed the Anti-Defamation League's assertion that "the notion that Hitler's gun-control policy contributed to the Holocaust is historically inaccurate" and that "gun control did not cause the Holocaust; Nazism and anti-Semitism did," by simply rebutting "that's total foolishness."

A lot of people are using these examples to call him ignorant, thoughtless, insensitive and a narcissistic windbag who's unfit for the Presidency, but I submit that, perhaps, not only does he know better than us, but that he is better than us.

In support of my thesis, I have compiled a list of 10 other things Ben Carson would have done better than you.

  1. Ben Carson would have stood up to your Dad that time.

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  • Ben Carson would have never greenlit those Star Wars prequels.
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  • Ben Carson would have made your marriage work.
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  • Ben Carson would have demanded that raise, never doubted himself and been winning at life instead of getting drunk alone at a TGI Friday's... again.
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  • Ben Carson would have never had a problem conceiving a child. He could impregnate your wife just by looking at her. (Glasses on or off, motherfucker!)
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  • Ben Carson would have beaten that terminal cancer. (Sorry for your loss.)
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  • Ben Carson would have stuck that juice cleanse out instead of breaking down the third day for a Snickers and some Fritos, you fat piece of shit!
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  • Ben Carson would have listened more, never forgotten your birthday and taken those Salsa classes because he wanted to, not just to shut you up.
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  • Ben Carson would never have to hit the snooze button. He always wakes up at first light, ready to take on the new day's challenges head on.
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  • Ben Carson would have never disappointed your mother.
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    Read More of Warren's Writing at ContraryToPopularOpinion.com.