Recently Al Trautwig, an announcer for NBC, made a comment about American gymnastics star Simone Biles. He said her adoptive parents are “not her real parents”. As an adoptive parent myself, I do take offense to his statement. Although, when people make comments like that I feel it comes from plain ignorance more than malicious intent. I think plenty more people have the same ignorance as that announcer because it’s not the first time I have heard such comments.
Adoption is not something people talk about. It’s not something anyone would have knowledge about unless they are in the process of adopting a child or know someone who adopted a child. Adoption is mysterious to many. I had no idea how adoption even worked before I became an adoptive parent. It wasn’t until I read books and did countless research online that I became knowledgeable. When my husband and I were in the adoption process, I got so many questions and odd comments from people. But I tried not to take offense because I knew they just weren’t knowledgeable about the subject.
The reason why, however, so many adoptive parents do take offense to the “not her real parents” statement is simply because it’s not true. You have to remember, many adoptive parent’s pre-adoption days were filled with infertility issues, miscarriages, still births, pain, and heartache. For some, it was a long journey to become a parent and in many cases, they may have almost given up on the dream to have a child. For many adoptive parents, all those pains and obstacles are still raw. Depending on the type of adoption chosen, they could be facing financial burdens, sacrifices, and expenses on top of the normal expenses of raising a child. They could be dealing with various issues of adjusting to new caregivers or new settings. They could also be dealing with medical or behavior problems. Taking all that into consideration, the implication that adoptive parents are not real parents is just absurd.
Here are 10 reasons why I know adoptive parents are real parents.
- They love their children with all their heart and soul and would put their life on the line for them
- They have and will sacrifice anything to make their children happy
- They are there to teach, love, shelter, hug, kiss, discipline, laugh…
- They work their butts off to provide the very best life they can for their child
- They are up late at night for potty breaks, nightmares, bottle feedings…
- They suffer from lack of sleep and lack of funds
- They attend parent-teacher nights, school plays and sporting events
- They have a thousand pictures on their phone and get the constant out of storage warning
- They face the same tantrums, the same crying fits and the same sleepless nights
- But best of all, they couldn’t imagine their life without their child in it
Being a parent is hard. Whether you are a parent through natural birth, adoption or legal guardianship. Being a parent is much more than blood. It’s much more than a legal document. It is caring for and loving a person so deeply that without them your life would feel incomplete. Being a parent is simply “real”.