When I went through my divorce, a number of my friends were contemplating, initiating, or reeling from their own break-ups, so at least I had company. (Granted, not the kind of company you want for dinner unless you plan to hide the sharp knives.) We agreed that what we wanted was not a silly list of do's and don'ts. We wanted real resolution, an end to the re-hashing, the second-guessing, and what-ifs; a giant kiss-off to quitters, cheats, Peter Pans, and control freaks; a rousing 'up yours!' to the judges and lawyers playing God in our lives; a signed document that set us free.
However, as any divorcee knows, we can't always get what we want. Sometimes we need to be reminded of our priorities, or at least of our manners. Because, as contrary as it may seem, being graceful takes effort.
Here's how to start:
- Stop working on euphemisms for what happened, such as: 'my husband had an interesting take on to have and to hold. Or 'the grass was greener.' Or, as the legal documents would have it, it was a matter of 'lifestyle choices.' Stick with 'we're divorcing' and don't feel compelled to launch into the unabridged saga. Face it. No ones cares as much as you think they do.