I'm in the middle of my own divorce, and have moved out of the family home and into an apartment. Throughout the process, I've been open about what I'm going through. Divorce is tricky, and if one person can read the words I write and feel less alone, than it's worth it.
The one thing I've been asked over and over again is this: "How did you know it was time to get a divorce?" It's a simple sounding question, but the answers are far from simple and they are absolutely not one-size-fits-all.
So I've come up with a list of signs that it may be time to start considering the "D" word.
1) Forget the same page, you're not even on the same book. Most couples go through spells when they're disconnected and can't see eye to eye; it happens and it's nothing to worry about. But when you realize that's become the norm rather than the exception, it may be time to think about other options.
2) You compare your marriage to "the devil you know versus the devil you don't." Once you realize that you're sticking it out because it's more comfortable than the alternative, your relationship is in serious danger.
3) You have lost all respect for the other person. Doesn't matter why or how it happened, but you realize that neither one of you respects the other anymore.
4) You begin to fantasize about how much you'd rather be alone -- and it doesn't scare you to bits. In fact, the notion of being on your own is somewhat of a relief.
5) You realize that you're being treated in a manner that you do not deserve. Could be disrespect. Could be emotional abuse. Could be passive-aggressive behavior. But you know deep down that you deserve better.
6) All of those traits you once found endearing about your partner now make your teeth grind and your jaw clench.
7) You realize that your partner no longer fulfills any of your needs -- emotional, spiritual, physical, or sexual.
8) You've tried a separation to see if that changes matters and it doesn't. You find yourself more frustrated by the situation and your partner than ever.
9) You realize that you're only staying together for the kids. Kids know when their parents are miserable, and while divorce is traumatizing, it's important for kids to understand that both Mom and Dad deserve to be happy.
10) You've seen a marriage counselor to work through your issues and it didn't help. You still cannot see eye to eye, no matter how hard you try.
What are some other signs that it's time for a divorce?
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