I can barely remember now, but I think I really used to have it together. Before kids, you know? And now, four years into this whole child-rearing thing, a lot of the things that used to be important to me have fallen by the wayside.
Such as:
1. Being on Time
I was a stickler for being on time. I always allowed for extra time to get to appointments or work or wherever I needed to be. Thirty minutes extra for traffic, a quick calculation for how long it would take to park and walk. All effortlessly added into my highly scheduled brain.
Was I ever late? Sure, I wasn’t that neurotic, but compared with now I was a superstar.
I am late more often than on time now. I constantly underestimate how long it will take me to get the kids out of the house, park, fetch them from their seats and usher them into wherever we need to be. What’s worse is that I am often late even when I am flying solo. I never quite seem to allot for the time needed to pry one (or sometimes two) screaming children from my legs so I can go have a moment to myself.
2. Showering
Ah, the good ol’ days. When I showered every. single. day. A luxurious shower, piping hot and 20 minutes minimum.
And now? I’m lucky to squeeze in a shower 3-4 times per week (I know, gross, right?). And showering alone is a privilege that I have to barter for, or use up precious nap time to do it. I have grown accustomed to just freshening up and throwing on some clean clothes. Bonus upside: My hair is very healthy.
3. What People Think About Me
I used to care a lot what people thought about me. My parents, my friends, my bosses, my co-workers.
There is something about having kids, though, that gives you HUGE COJONES. It’s much easier for me to take a stand on things that are important to me. And if it’s about my kids, I suggest you step aside because I will not be backing down.
4. Avoiding Germs
Quasi-germaphobe here (alright, maybe major germaphobe). I never shared anything to eat with anyone except lovers. I mean, we were already sharing everything else, right? I washed my hands perpetually, and disinfected all surfaces.
Now? I have officially been covered by countless disgusting forms of bodily fluid, including several types in my mouth. No details needed.
5. Cleaning (all types)
Let’s be straight here. I have ALWAYS hated cleaning, and my motto is mess avoidance. That said, at least back then I cared about trying to keep things clean.
Now? I am fully embracing the messy house concept. Messy house, happier kids, right? Husbands, though, not so much. Maybe I’ll care about that one day, too.
6. Sex
Speaking of husbands, we used to have sex like bunny rabbits before kids. I was definitely into it.
Now, though, I have the longest list of reasons not to have sex. Haven’t showered (see above), too tired, it’s the middle of the day, the kids are still awake, I am afraid that we’ll wake the kids… you get the point.
7. My Own Birthday
I have my own birthday? Is that every year or just on the fives?
8. My Social Calendar
I used to love going out on dates or hanging out with friends. If I was home alone on a Friday night, the feeling of loserdom was epic.
Now? I love Friday nights, but at home, with no plans, and the family is lucky if I even cook. There will definitely be wine involved.
9. The Weekends
Oh, weekends. How I miss thee. You used to mean something.
Now, weekends are just like any other day of the week. Can’t sleep in past dawn. Still have the same kid routines that you have all week. The only plus is that the hubby is not working, although he can’t help much because he has a very long honey-do list to tackle.
10. My Career
My career. I was so driven before kids. Pumped out an MBA. Fought for promotions and raises. Had a whole plan.
First pregnancy, poof: My ambition went up in smoke. And it was just a slippery slope down from there. I moved to a less competitive department (BONUS: less competitive, but more PAY!!). And for some reason, when I was laid off, I never got motivated to get back into the workforce full time. Think: 2 toddlers, a step teen, etc.
*****
But hey, the upside to all this is that if I still cared about all these things, I wouldn’t have time to write goofy stuff like this. Or surf social media all day, and who could live without that?