10. Parenting is not for the weak. Kids will tell it like it is and will challenge you in ways you never thought were possible. Buck up, and enjoy the ride!
9. If you have an ounce of fat on you, your kid will find it and it will get squished or pinched. Or, your kid will loudly point it out in the department store dressing room. It's awesome.
8. Legos and Transformers hurt like a B-word when you step on them. You may start bleeding and you may not be able to walk normally for a few days, but you'll survive. The Transformer, on the other hand, may not.
7. Always bring a snack with you, wherever you go. Seriously. Go to the store and buy some fruit snacks or granola bars and carry those bad boys around in your purse in the event of an emergency. Hangry kids are no bueno.
6. If you are able to actually keep a straight face long enough to tell your kid to stop carrying the cat around in the pillowcase or stop shaking his booty in the shower, I bow to you. I may also question whether or not you are actually a robot.
5. Farts will always be funny... unless someone blames one on you. That is sooo not funny.
4. You may need to remind your kid not to use inappropriate words while practicing his writing. You may find this a little hilarious, and that's OK. I figure it's a good day when my kids willingly do their homework, so write on! (Just be sure to confiscate that paper before sending him off to school!)
3. You can't escape your kids -- EVER. If you dare to use the bathroom, you will hear their breathing behind the door. If you attempt to eat, they will surround you like vultures. If you dare to sleep, you may wake to find them standing over your bed and staring at you with a look that would send chills up the spine of even the most hardcore horror fan.
2. Impromptu dance parties will happen often and without warning. If you are in the store and a song with a wicked awesome beat is playing, you dance. You drop that package of yogurt and you dance! Dance, I say!
1. YOLO. Laugh often and love with every fiber of your being. Hug and cuddle with your kids often. Live a little and don't be afraid to show off your inner goofball. Those are some of the moments your kids will remember and cherish the most.
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