As a fat girl, I am constantly thinking about how my gigantic-ness is going to get in the way of something or someone else.
I am forever wondering what's happening in the minds of the people around me. I also admit I am so guilty of the jealousy that comes from not being the skinny one in the room. It's not that I want to be YOU... it's just there's so many things I think you don't have to worry about.
So, skinny girls, I bet you don't worry about these things.
(And just for one second... let's say... I know you're human and you worry about body image related things all the time too. Just not these.)
ROLLER COASTER SEATS
I have to look at the seat and tilt my head sideways and try to figure out if all of me is going to fit into that small space. And if I sit... will that bar come down over my boobs? And then you play the game in your head like... "okay it looks like I can fit BUT what if I don't... I might die if I try to get in there and can't and then have to walk the roller coaster walk of shame". Most times I just don't tempt fate because there is no way I'm going to sit in that tester seat with everyone walking by.
Picnic tables are like the fat person's teeter tottering nightmare. Skinny people just sit down. Fat people have to be like a physics mastermind. We evaluate exactly where we can sit so that we don't throw off the balance of the table. Then you better bet we're fully aware when anyone from the table stands up. It's never a comfortable place for us to be.
I'll never forget the time my boss asked me to write down my size so that I could be given a corporate shirt for an upcoming outing. You'll never believe how embarrassing it was when I arrived at the outing with instructions to put the shirt on and come down to the first meeting. I had to ask the corporate overlords if they had a bigger size because the sizing of the women's jacket was so much smaller than expected.
With all of the drama in the news about people complaining about being sat next to a fat person on an airplane, I have to admit anytime I travel I do everything within my power to be sure I'm not even getting close to the person next to me. I find myself trying to do a sly perimeter check to be sure none of my assets are drooping over into their space. I would be totally mortified if the person next to me complained about how much space I was using.
Speaking of airplanes... there is no way I'm asking for an extender. Also, there's no way that skinny people can understand what it's like to wear a car seat belt. It digs into my neck. It pulls tight when it's supposed to be loose. It's just an uncomfortable proposition every time. And let's not even talk about what happens when I'm pregnant.
Skinny people might understand this if they order a meal the size of their head. BUT... fat people get side eye from the people around them no matter what they order. We know you're looking at us. And I promise you I'm not going to gain anymore weight than you are eating the same meal you are. Your side eye bugs me but I'm likely still going to eat what I want. For me in particular... it's no more or less than the average eater.
WEARING SHORTS OR LEGGINGS
I own leggings. Like 3 pairs... maybe. I do not own a single pair of shorts. I'm not saying that I think being fat means you shouldn't wear shorts. I'm just saying that I don't wear them for fear of showing up on People of Walmart. There's no rule or magic weight number that says when you're too big to wear shorts or leggings. But you know that people are judging. You don't know if you're looking like a giant Michelin man or if you're looking stylish. And you're also wondering deep down inside if you should really care.
It only takes one episode of America's Funniest Videos to realize that you want absolutely NOTHING to do with a plastic chair of any sort. Especially if any one- including a small child- has ever sat in it before. I avoid those things like the plague because I'm sure it'll do that spill over backwards broken leg thing you find all over internet bloopers. I'm pretty sure I'd like to keep my pride in tact through the end of the picnic.
SHOPPING IN THE MATERNITY SECTION
No, not when you're pregnant. I mean if I can't find the plus size clothes in the store, they're likely in the maternity section. Yes. Fat and pregnant are the same thing, right? So just shove those clothes together. The worst part... when you are pregnant finding cute plus size maternity clothes is like searching for a unicorn.
Guess what? I might be fat but everyone else in my life isn't. So when I walk into a skinny person's store to shop for a scarf, I always get those dirty looks like... what are you doing here?! Seriously, my bottom might be wide but my neck isn't. Neither are my earlobes or my feet or my wrists. I promise... I'll leave enough clothes for the skinny people.
I know, I know.... I should just lose weight so I don't have to worry about these things anymore, right? Sure! You are absolutely right! I would never worry about a roller coaster seat again! But I'm sure I would have something new to worry about. The key here is to find my OK. You can stare at me in the store or the restaurant if you want- but I promise it's not going to change how I feel about myself. Yep, I worry about picnic tables and seat belts but I'm still good just being me. So if you're a fat girl like me... I think you'll understand.