- Stop nagging him. Ask him to do things in a different way if this is your norm. It’s easy to slip into Mom voice with all of the people in your house, but he is different. Talk to him with respect for his time and stress level, just like you want from him. You are on the same team. Write a list or talk about it like, "Honey, would you please do_______, because______." You can still be firm, but it's the tone and energy of asking.
- Flirt with him like he was the hot guy at the office when you were single. Tease him about how cute his butt is. Make him smile with the look of flirting in your eyes. There is time for putting your phone down for a minute to bat your eyelashes at him when he least expects it.
- Sext him. He loves your body. If it’s not pictures, text him with your sexy voice. Practice until it feels natural. You'll get yourself turned on and feeling like a naughty sexpot. If you’re super shy, text him to start off, "Hello, lover. I can't wait to see you tonight." Play with it.
- Compliment him and build him up. Look for the best in him. He needs to feel like you believe in him and appreciate him. Be his cheerleader. You'll see how much more he thrives this way. Talk about him when he isn’t around like you would when you were first in love. It will get back to him at some point, your kind words will pay off.
- Create time to connect with no kids, work drama, bills, "problems" kind of talk. You can try a new hobby together, go for a walk, watch a TV show together and talk about it. Just don't make your kids your whole life and never have couple time outside the bedroom on a daily basis.
- Try different sex things. It doesn't have to be crazy. Explore new positions, slow down, change up your routine and add some spontaneity. Write a bucket list for pleasure to share with him. Buy the lingerie, lotions, and toys and make yourself feel like a sex kitten.
- Touch him daily. Massages, hugs, hold hands, sit next to each other. People love that physical touch and it creates the feel good hormones of oxytocin and dopamine. It's actually therapeutic and keeps that connection of love flowing.
- . Kiss with your heart. Don't just give each other a peck all the time. Go all in with your passion where you feel it all down your bodies. It creates both sparks and warm feelings at the same time.
- Don't let other things become bigger than you as a couple. Teens may act out, someone gets laid off, things come up, but don't let that take away from your bond. Communicate from your best place and don’t let your ego get in the way.
- Go on dates often. Get dressed up for him. Lead up to the date by making it feel so romantic no matter where you are going. You may think you don't have time, but divorce will give you a ton of free time without him. Even if it feels awkward at first, keep going. Reinventing the relationship takes some time.
BONUS: This is HUGE. Let your guard, shield, and armor down. People are so afraid to trust that they wind up with flat and empty relationships. Dare to tell him your deepest, darkest secrets. Give him a chance to love all of you. Then listen without judgement to his deepest, darkest secrets. Accepting all of him will let you deeper in his heart. Ask him about his dreams for his life. Have a conversation like you never had with full-on authenticity and inner truth. Some like to keep the mystery, but true soulmate love means you navigate the messy parts to get to the good stuff. You may have had the fluffy love when you were dating but that’s when all you had was lust....having this juicy, love stuff after life has gotten a hold of you is a priceless treasure to cherish forever. There is nothing sexier than giving each other the gift of letting the other one know you love them more than they could ever imagined.
You will be happier personally by treating your husband like he is your boyfriend and it will make your relationship a whole new level. Trust me. After 21 years together, and five children later, my husband and I became this whole other couple because we created it. . A decade ago, we were going through the motions. We decided that wan’t good enough. We know we both need to give 100% and this brought the love to the kind I read about in romance novels. The sex...well, we can’t believe it just keeps getting better.