A major reason that people struggle in all types of relationships, is that they struggle with their emotional intelligence, and truly understanding others.n Emotional IQ is our ability to relate to and read others. It is the skill of putting yourself in someone else's shoes, trying to think about how they might be feeling, and saying and doing what they person needs from us in that moment. Many people struggle with their emotional IQ, and often ask how they can develop those skills so that they can more easily connect with others. One could see how strengthening these skills could benefit them in every relationship areas of their life. This list will hopefully provide you a good start to ways in which you can develop these skills and be more emotionally connected with others.
1. Learn to listen to that voice in your head, or that knot in your stomach. I have often told people that you should not ignore that feeling when you have it, as it is usually telling you something, and it is usually right. When there is a feeling about something we cannot shake, we need to take a closer look at it and ask why.
2. Keep a daily mood journal or tracker. This is a way that you need to pause and really ask yourself how you are feeling today and why. It helps us see patterns, learn our common feelings, and see how our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected to each other.
3. If we go all the way back to Sigmund Freud, we come across the idea of Free Association. This is the act of stopping what we are doing, quietly laying by ourselves, and letting our thoughts roam free. This can tell us a great deal about what is occupying our subconscious, and can help us be more in tune with it consciously.
4. See if you are able to connect your thoughts and feelings. People will often tell me that they are not sure what is causing their anxiety or their depression. If we make a concerted effort to ask ourselves why we are feelings a certain way, we will become more and more able to do so freely in the future.
5. Do not edit or judge your feelings. Do not tell yourself that what you are feeling is wrong or silly. Allow yourself to feel it, and to ask yourself why you are feeling a certain way. This will help you connect physical manifestations with thoughts and feelings, and to have more control over them in the future.
6. Learn to stop personalizing with others say and do. Too often we assume what others are thinking about us, that they are acting a certain way or doing a certain thing because of something we have said or done. When we learn that each person has their own issues they are thinking about and dealing with, ones that most often have nothing to do with us, we stop personalizing, and start considering others feelings.
7. Learning to be assertive in situations that warrant it. Often we build up a great deal of anxiety with situations that make us uncomfortable, or thinking about things that we want and need to say. If we can learn to develop our assertiveness, we can get these things out, and reduce our levels of stress and anxiety. It also helps us learn how to work with and deal with others more effectively.
8. Learning to manage our emotions when someone upsets us. If we stop and ask ourselves, what is it about them that is upsetting us? Why do they make us feel this way? We not only develop insight, but we might create a situation where we are able to speak to the person and address the issue head on. It can create greater understanding on both parts.
9. We need to learn to reduce negative thinking and replace it with realistic and positive thinking. We need to learn to bounce back from our miss-steps and failures, and learn to believe in ourselves. It is the ability to develop a faith that we can overcome adversity, and be more successful that we thought possible. Always remember that the greatest successful people in the world, have themselves suffered some of the most serious set-backs. The different is they believed in themselves, picked themselves up, and moved forward.
10. Learning to express what you are thinking and feeling to those that are important to you. This may be one of the most important tools to develop in emotional IQ, the ability to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs to those who matter. As we find ourselves more and more able to both express and hear the others feelings, our own emotional IQ will grow by leaps and bounds. It can take just a few successful interactions to build our confidence, and to allow us to use our newfound skills on a regular basis.