Chris Cate is a comedy writer, host of The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast, author of The ParentNormal Crash Course, father of three and sleeper of none.
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"That thing out there... That is no dinosaur." - Owen
Toddlers can't be contained. The moment you let your guard down, toddlers will do something you didn't think was possible to escape containment.
Toddlers are always hunting for food. Toddlers rarely finish their food, but they stay on the hunt for food because their hunger is never satisfied.
Toddlers make you want to run. When a toddler is angry, you're going to want to run away. Only heroes have the nerve to face angry toddlers.
Toddlers don't like being told what to do. You can count to three again and again and again, but your toddler still isn't going to want to do what you say and screaming only makes it worse.
Toddlers fight siblings. Toddlers are trying to figure out their place in the food chain and they'll fight anyone who appears to be competition.
Toddlers leave footprints everywhere. If you want to find a toddler, follow the tiny footprints made of mud, paint or whatever food was for dinner.
Toddlers will destroy their room. You can prepare the safest toddler habitat money can buy and toddlers will still find a way to claw it and destroy it and never look back.
Toddlers love playing hide-and-go-seek. The only thing toddlers love more than hiding is jumping out of their hiding place before you find them.
Toddlers break expensive things. If you break it, you buy it. If your toddler breaks it, it's probably something you can't afford. So keep your toddlers away from gyrospheres and other state-of-the-art technology.
Toddlers will not be ignored. Toddlers need your attention and they won't stop trying to get it until they have every ounce of your heart and you can't resist them anymore.
"No one's impressed with dinosaurs anymore." - Claire