Ever since my parents became grandparents I have noticed a change in them. At first there was a gradual shift. There was the times my mom was so concerned over the baby crying, that she teared up. I can't blame her for that, it's sad when babies cry (similar to when doves cry, but less Prince involved.) Then there were the excuses for bad behavior that they made for the kids (they are tired, or maybe indigestion.) I never received the benefit of these excuses during my youth. Now we have come to the part that many of the injuries that my children sustain are actually my fault. I can only assume that all grandparents do this and you will find yourself in my boat shortly.
I have therefore decided that we can very much look forward to our twilight years. The years, in which we can be grandparents, doing grandparent things and making grandparent judgments. I have taken notes and here are the 10 ways that we will be better grandparents than we are parents:
1) We should have "World's Best Grandma" printed on every article of clothing we own. There are many things that you can argue, but you cannot argue with a T-shirt. It's similar to the shirt I'm wearing now that says "I Wake Up Awesome." No one had the guts to tell me that I wake up with stank breath and snarly hair today.
2) We will stock my house with the best snacks. Right now, the second that I get good food it's gone. Mostly that is due to me living here and eating it, but sometimes the kids eat it too. It should last at least 6.7% longer with the kids not eating it.
3) We will be hard of hearing. This will come in handy so we can overlook the 257 times that the grandkids say "poopy" and laugh. At this point as a parent it is impossible for me to do that. I am a fun hating poopy head parent.
4) We will have grey hair. I am hoping that is still a trend when I get older. Trends typically last for 30 years, right? I have started getting the grey hairs now, but they aren't at the full potential. If nothing else when my hair goes grey the rainbow hair dyes will stay better and be more vibrant. Rainbow Dash hair, don't fail me now... or more like fail me in 30 years.
5) We shall have tattoos that show our grandchildren how hardcore we are and inspire their confidence. Sure, grandma's tramp stamp now looks like a pterodactyl instead of a butterfly. However I've been through some things and I have more wisdom. So much more wisdom than when I was a parent and felt all the pressure to parent correctly.
6) We are no longer going to give a shit about free range, granola, and/or helicopter parenting. Unless by this time there is such thing as helicopter grandparenting and the like. God, that would suck- please nobody start that.
7) We won't have to worry about if our body is bikini ready. Of course it is- see pterodactyl tramp stamp comment above. That baby is always ready to fly.
8) We are going to have robots. Hear me out here. We are going to be able to play so much more now that we have a robot to pick up after us. I want to teach my grandkids 52 card pickup, but I know when I shuffle the cards into their face they will cry about it. Now the robot can come in and clean it up and bring a Kleenex to fix it.
9) We will not be playing Minecraft because we still don't get it. I'm told that this game is a big deal among the younger population, I can only assume it will be in the future (much like Atari has stood the test of time for our generation.) Thus the villages they have made will be extremely large, leaving very little time for the parents to play with their kids. We are now going to have the golden opportunity to come over and order pizza to eat with the grand kids charging it to the parents credit card. Yes of course we will talk to the grand kids, but mostly it is a free meal.
10) We will attend the concerts with our grandkids. Yes, we will continue to attend Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, and god willing One Direction will be back together and we can attend those without side eyes. Also if we have to hop up on the stage or to throw a pair of undies on the stage- so be it. We are just being good grandparents.
So next time you are having a rough day, remember that this parenting gig isn't forever. Someday we get promoted to grandparents. When that happens we get to have robots, color our hair, and have selective hearing. Cheers! We got this. Like the famous philosophers Wilson Philips once said: Hold on for one more day.