Have you ever wondered why some people are always such a pleasure to be with, while others drag us down? What makes some people bounce back from every adversity in their life while others keep wallowing in self-pity?
In my professional practice as a life coach, I have come to realise that people suffering from behavioral issues and emotional turmoil, often bear a poor self-image. How they conduct themselves in life and relate with others at home or work, stems from their own view of themselves. I am sure you would agree that everything in life seems better when we value ourselves and our self-image is high. Good things seem better than they are, and not so good things become easier to endure. In fact, it would be safe to conclude that a positive self-image works like a mental health insurance to a happy social life.
Now what’s true for an adult is true for a child as well. Low self-image is a huge problem regardless of age. A child with a positive self-image will be happier in general, do better in school and not get caught up in negative compensations and addictions during the teenage years. As a parent you have tremendous influence on your child’s self-image in the initial years, which means it is your utmost responsibility to influence your child positively and raise him/her as a confident child.
Here are 11 simple ways that will help you boost your child’s self-image as they grow:
1. Create regular opportunities for your child to experience success: Give your child a meaningful task to do that you know will most definitely result in success. Since, success breeds more success, by doing so, you will build success consciousness in your child, and elevate your child’s self-confidence. You can set weekly goals with your child, and teach your child to work towards that goal each day by taking daily deliberate action. Then you can become a partner in success for them and help them attain that goal. This will create a strong bond between the two of you and allow you to become the most trusted friend for your child.
2. Create a wall of fame for your child. This can be a place to put trophies, report cards, favorite artwork, ribbons, badges, and other awards. The wall of fame will act as a success anchor for your child and allow for daily success conditioning of your child.
3. Keep a close watch on your child’s friends. Some friends are more kind than others. They are the positive influencers for your child. Try to steer your child towards children that are kind and supportive. At the same time help your child to work through the insensitive and unsupportive friends. Teach them deliberately what you know intuitively about managing these negative influencers that show up in life.
4. Allow your child to make some decisions. It’s easier to have a healthy self-image when you know you can think for yourself and are capable of making your own decisions. The easiest way to train children to think for themselves is to allow them to make some simple choices on a daily basis. Now it does not mean that you let your child loose! Instead, you can create some options for your child based on what’s best for them and ask them to choose from within those options. For example instead of putting their lunch together as per your choice you could make them choose from multiple healthy options - You could ask them, “Do you want a banana, apple, or orange in your lunch today?
5. Love your child irrespective of their behavior. A lot of parents make the mistake of withholding love from their child as a punishment for bad behavior, a tantrum or a mistake made by them. Now you should definitely address the outburst with your child, but you must do so with compassion. If your child is reacting, that’s not the time to react back. This is only going to make matters worse for both of you. In fact, this is your opportunity to give a loving response to your child and make them feel connected to you again. Many a time children behave badly only to gain attention of their parents so they can connect with them again and feel loved. Sometimes they also do it to test the boundary conditions of parental love. They want to see how far they can go before they end up losing the love of their parents. This is a delicate moment for your child. Your reaction can make them feel extremely insecure and feed into their basic human fears of - I am not enough and I am not loved. On the contrary, a loving response at this time, can make your child feel secure again, and give you a window of opportunity to train your child to ask for what they need in more positive and empowering ways.
6. Put your smart phone down and listen to your child. Nothing sends the message, “You’re not important” as effectively as ignoring your child when your child is trying to get your attention. Drop what you are doing and make eye contact with your child when he / she is talking to you. Be a good listener. Use every occasion to make your child feel loved.
7. Teach your child to fail forward in life. Teach your child that failure is not something to get upset about or to avoid; rather it is a great opportunity to learn a life lesson. Teach them that life is a package - sometimes you win, sometimes you learn, and it’s all for you’re highest good in the long run. When addressing a failure with your child, begin by acknowledge their feelings about the failure and then encourage them to look for the lesson in it. Ask them questions like, “What happened?” “Why do you think it happened?” So what did you learn from this incident?” “Where else could you apply this learning in your life?” Create a growth mindset for your child by teaching them that failure is a part of life and that there’s always the opportunity to try again and succeed!
8. Give only genuine compliments to your child. Your child knows if his or her drawing of a horse actually looks like a pig. So you must remain sincere and genuine in your praise. You can always find creative ways to give your child authentic compliments in their artistic endeavors.
9. Be a good role model for your child. Just be aware that your child is constantly watching you for cues. They are using you as a mirror for their own feelings and behavior. For example, the more confident and comfortable you are in front of your child, the more secure they will feel. If you are uncomfortable in certain situations, your child will feel the same as well. So it is your biggest responsibility to conduct yourself well and set a good example for your child at all times.
10. Do not put negative labels on your child. Address behavior, instead of your child. Saying that it’s wrong to lie is a better option than calling your child a liar. Negative labels can go a long way in damaging your child’s self-image and life, so avoid putting any kind of negative labels on your child.
11. Show love and affection regularly. A child’s self-image is acquired, not inherited. Show your child that they are loved and appreciated every single day.
It is never too early to start boosting your child’s self-image. Providing a good foundation can prevent a lot of challenges in the growing up years. Act while your child is still young and most impressionable. You can’t control every experience your child has, but you can definitely control enough of them to make a huge difference in raising a confident child.