Ladies, if you're tired of drenching your pillow with tears and scratching your head in confusion, read on. Some of the following lessons learned are from my own past mistakes, while others are from observations I've made along the way. Regardless, I assure you that my sole intention is to help you.
If He is Ignoring You, He Isn't Interested. Period.
If he has a pattern of randomly disappearing only to later return with a string of lame excuses, you are either a "side chick" or a "plan b chick". No quality guy randomly vanishes from a girl he truly respects and is interested in the possibility of building something with.
If you are receiving mixed messages, he either has mixed feelings or is mixed up with more than one person.
Men are simple creatures. They are not dissecting every move you make the same way you are dissecting theirs. Stop obsessing over his choice of emojis. Stop overcomplicating and overanalyzing everything.
- He isn't angry at you for not answering his most recent text message within five minutes. He isn't pouting because you posted a "#throwbackthursday" of a picture with one of your guy friends from college. He is not on the toilet with a vicious attack of diarrhea, he is not so stressed about work that he fears burdening you, nor did he accidentally leave his phone charger on a boat somewhere. He is either entertaining someone else, or is currently uninterested in entertaining you. Regardless, move on...
If he genuinely likes you, he will put forth effort to take you on a date as soon as possible. Trust me. For example, my brother was so determined to seize the opportunity for a date with his (now) girlfriend, he took her to dinner despite being plagued with the most vicious stomach flu of his life. My husband relocated to my city just one month following our first date. Even if his funds are limited, he will find a creative way to make a date happen. When a man truly likes you, he has a tunnel-visioned mission: Get the girl.
He Will Do Whatever It Takes To Get The Girl...
If your engaged or married ex-boyfriend reaches out to you and claims he cannot stop thinking about you, it does not mean you are a more desirable catch than his wife. If that were true, why wouldn't he have committed to you? It does not mean you have some overwhelming hold over him or that he is even sincere in his attempts to lure you in. Keep thou ego in check. It simply means he perpetually sucks and should not be engaged or married.
If you feel as though you must constantly compete with other women for his attention and affection, you are wasting your time. If he constantly references or compares you to other women, he is thinking about other women. Stop thinking that if you become a little bit more awesome, it will magically change. It won't. The two of you are clearly not on the same page. Actually, you may not even be reading the same book.
If You Have To Compete, The Connection Is Weak...
If you do not respect the relationships of others, do not expect to have one of your own. If you possess no hesitation in regards to sleeping with, flirting with or entertaining attention from a guy who is committed to someone else, you are solidifying your reputation as "not girlfriend material". He may not tell you, but every time you engage in his bad behavior, he loses more respect for you. Wake up. Stop scratching your head and wondering why you are always a "side chick" and never a legitimate girlfriend.
If a guy floods your Snapchat with overtly sexual pictures and then requests the same from you, yet has never actually taken you on a date, stop thinking he likes you. He doesn't. Stop thinking sexual pictures from random guys is a compliment. It isn't. It simply means he does not view you as quality girlfriend material. Period.
If your behavior is promiscuous, that is your business. However, I assure you it would be quite foolish to expect to become happily "wifed up" while behaving in such a way. No quality man is going to be interested in plucking you from a string of booty calls. If you desire an actual relationship with a respectable person of quality, you must demonstrate that you have respect for yourself. Thou must stop being a booty call.
Stop nagging and complaining. Wipe the scowl from you face. Just because you spend a great deal of time whining with your girlfriends does not mean he is going to be as willing of a listener as they are. Become someone you would be excited to spend time with! Falling in love with life opens you up for others to fall in love with you.
Sorry, But... The Road To Becoming A Blushing Bride Has Never Been "Booty Call Row"
Stop pretending. If your life is a heartbroken or desperate mess yet you manage to gather yourself long enough to wipe the tear-induced mascara stains from under your eyes, touch up your eyeliner and, with cleavage on a platter, post a smiling selfie captioned with a profound, inspiring quote you obviously did not write (yet attempt to pass off as your own), you are just making yourself look stupid. Stop pretending on Facebook and Instagram to possess the depth of Deepak Chopra when your phone conversations are shallow, ranting and meaningless. You are not fooling as many people as you think you are. The only people you are fooling are the fools. Be authentic. An authentic, quality man will see through your inauthenticity.
Stop Pretending & Just Be Authentic!
The original and extended version of this article by Lacey Johnson can be read on The Daily Doll.
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