Chronically-negative people can slow down your momentum and sabotage real success. Top entrepreneurs and members of The Oracles share their bulletproof strategies for cutting ties with negative people once and for all.
Negative loser energy is a drag. Reflect on how you feel after hanging out with each of the five closest people in your circle. After taking stock, audit accordingly. You may need to find new friends: People who are fired up and trying to win. You might even need to break up with your partner.
Letting go is scary, but do you want to know the single scariest thing of all time? Regret. Don’t let loyalty trump your happiness.
—Gary Vaynerchuk, founder and CEO of VaynerMedia (700+ employees with over $100 million in annual revenue), NYT-bestselling author, and mentor on Planet of the Apps
Whom we attract often reflects our own behavior. When encountering negative people, first consider why you’re attracting their energy. To stop attracting negativity, you may have to give up some former judgments. So ask yourself: "What is it about their negativity that frightens me so much?"
—Roy McDonald, founder and CEO of OneLife
It's easy to label others who don't share our attitude, perspective, or behavior as "toxic" or "negative." Before cutting these "negative" people off, evaluate why their behavior triggers such intense emotions.
And remember:
Removing fat doesn't create muscle.
Removing poverty doesn't create riches.
Removing coldness doesn't create heat.
Removing hate doesn't create love.
Removing darkness doesn't create light.
Removing doubt doesn't create faith.
Removing fear doesn't create courage.
Removing negativity doesn't create positivity.
All people have potential. I've turned negative people positive by explaining the mission, taking people through my thinking, and giving them my confidence that they can accomplish what I have in mind for them. When people understand the ultimate purpose of a task, activity, or goal and know it's achievable, they're more likely to work for it.
—Tim Draper, legendary VC, founder of Draper Associates and DFJ
I've encountered a few negative people in my career journey. Their nay-saying was like a never-ending sinus infection, fogging my brain with doubt and confusion. When I started focusing on my goals, these people disappeared naturally. I isolated myself from toxic relationships and fired clients who held me back from financial freedom. Consequently, I built a community of 8,000 women and travel around sharing my message with young ladies.
If you want to break off from negative people, get too busy for them! Align yourself instead with people heading in the same direction. Like a good running buddy, they'll push you, hold you accountable, and accompany you on the road to success.
—Sweta Patel, founder of Silicon Valley Startup Marketing who has advised over 200 early stage startups and high-growth companies; connect with Sweta on Facebook and Instagram
We tolerate negative people way too much, both professionally and socially. Instead, I follow these rules: One, avoid people who are cynical and critical. Two, don't waste time trying to fix them. Three, focus on people who love and support you. Four, be selective about who you let in. Five, part ways quickly and cleanly; don't get sucked back in. Six, remember Jim Rohn's quote: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."
—Peter Hernandez, president of brokerage (California) at Douglas Elliman; cofounder of Teles Properties
Negative people often have fixed mindsets and are uncomfortable with change. So it's a waste of energy trying to change them. And your efforts to help them grow can make them feel judged by you.
When clients come to me, they're usually in crisis mode, which breeds negativity. I remind them that a fight-or-flight mentality limits their ability to make well-thought-out decisions, and refer them to resources such as counseling and meditation so they can stay solution-oriented.
Personally, I'm extremely protective of my time and energy (mental and emotional). I'm more concerned with doing the right thing for myself and others than with assuaging people's expectations.
—Nafisé Nina Hodjat, founder and managing attorney of The SLS Firm
Negative people aren't always a problem. Sometimes, they can empower you to do something extraordinary, push harder or inspire you to find your mojo.
Some of my greatest achievements came because someone doubted me or tried to kick me down. I ask myself, "Is this person empowering or disempowering me?" I examine the benefits of their criticism. Usually, I'm being taught something myself to achieve more and be happier.
If someone becomes negative and disempowering through their actions or consistent doubts, I slowly remove myself but never try to change them. It only creates resistance and resentment.
—Michael Johnson "The Mojo Master," speaker and mindset coach for professional athletes and elite entrepreneurs; follow Michael on Facebook
Complainers do tremendous damage to company morale. They recruit new members to their complaint clubs, sucking the energy out of new ideas and undermining positive leadership.
When I was young and naïve, I believed I could change a negative person with my positive energy. After my first five years in business, I realized a negative person will be just as negative in 10 years. That's why, although I consider myself a kind person, I never have any qualms about firing complainers.
—Barbara Corcoran, founder of The Corcoran Group and Shark on "Shark Tank"
The most important negative person to cut ties with is yourself. In Navy SEAL training, negativity surrounded me day in and day out. Some of it was orchestrated by our instructors to bring us down, but more of it came from my teammates fighting their own conditioning and fear.
You can't run from negative people, especially if they’re important in your life (such as family or work peers). The only thing you can do is learn to control your thoughts, emotions, and attitude, while blocking any negative stories. It takes practice but is a crucial life skill to change everything for the better.
—Mark Divine, retired U.S. Navy SEAL commander, founder of SEALFIT and NYT/WSJ bestselling author; follow SEALFIT on YouTube, Facebook, or Instagram
The mission of negative people is to get inside your head. One former partner was a habitual liar and compromised my principles. To remedy the situation, I hired a contractor to literally construct a wall between us.
If someone isn't lifting you up, they're taking you down. They're vampires sucking your most cherished asset: time. So, always consider: What's the best use of my time?Except for unique situations like I described, most breakups should be handled swiftly and with integrity. You can only control your actions, not the other person's.
—Vincent LoPriore, founder and managing partner of Gravitas Capital
Negative influences aren't always obvious. They can show up as a friend or family member who appears supportive but always sabotages your goals by constantly instigating happy hour, spreading gossip, or telling you it's "okay" to delay the hard work. If you hope to achieve anything monumental, you need to separate from these people.
Confront your issue with them head on, with compassion and tact. Don't list everything they're doing wrong. Instead, explain your goals and how you let yourself get off track when they do or suggest specific activities.
If they receive it well, great! You may just have had a breakthrough instead of a break-off. If they don't, at least you've said your piece.
—Chris Harder, philanthropist, coach, founder and CEO of For The Love Of Money; follow Chris on Instagram
Want to share your insights like those above in a future column? If you’re an experienced entrepreneur, please get in touch here.
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Originally published on Business Insider. © 2018 Business Insider. All Rights Reserved.