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12 Totally Candid Answers To Your Questions About Lesbian Sex

Here's everything you wanted to know but were maybe too afraid to ask.
Noah Michelson
By 

Editorial Director, HuffPost Personal

When it comes to lesbian sex, lots of folks have lots of questions about what really goes on under the covers (or on top of the kitchen table or in the back seat of an Uber).

Like every other kind of sex, there's no such thing as a one-size-fits-all-approach for lesbian sex. There are, though, some things related to women hooking up with women that seem to pop up (and cause confusion) more often than others.

In hopes of debunking a few myths and offering some clarity, HuffPost Gay Voices asked HuffPost Live Producer Alex Berg; author Jincey Lumpkin; Jenny Block, author of "O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm" and YouTube fave Arielle Scarcella to answer some of the most frequently asked questions about lesbian sex, so you didn't have to -- and so now you know what's what and what's up!

Note: The term "lesbian" is being used here in relation to actions/activities and should not be read as limiting the possible involvement of anyone who may identify as a woman who has sex with women but does not identify specifically as a "lesbian." Furthermore, while these answers apply in many instances, not every experience or situation discussed here will be relatable for all queer women or women who have sex with women. Finally, this post contains graphic language that may not be suitable for viewing in all environments.

When It's Two Women Together, What Is "Sex"?
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Anything we want it to be, honestly. Lesbian sex is about intimacy and pleasure, which is what any kind of sex really should be about. How do you want to connect physically/sexually with this person? What feels good? What turns you on? However lesbians answer those questions is the answer to what constitutes sex when it comes to queer women. -- Jenny Block
Are There Specific Things That All Queer Women Do In Bed?

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Lesbian sex isn't just about scissoring, strap-ons, or eating pussy. There are an infinite number of ways that queer women have sex and an infinite number ways that queer women define sex. In fact, "sex" can mean something different from one woman to another. -- Alex Berg
Do Lesbian Couples Fuck?
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Too many porn films seem to have given the people the idea what we do little more than brush each other’s hair and cuddle. But queer women fuck. We have the hot, sweaty, nasty, delicious sex that has nothing to do with billowing curtains and satin sheets. We make love too. But there’s nothing inherently “girly” about lesbian sex except for the fact that we’re both girls. -- Jenny Block
Don't You Miss The Penis?

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Not even a little. We don’t need a penis involved in order to have an orgasm. In fact, some queer women don’t need penetration at all. That’s just a perk. Fingers are far more agile than a penis and there are a zillion toys out there to help the cause. So we do just fine without it, thank you. -- Jenny Block
Is One Of You The "Guy" In Bed?
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No. No. A thousand times no. Penetration is not the key to female orgasm. It’s a component. Lesbian sex isn’t an imitation of straight sex, which is a very good thing because studies show lesbians have more orgasms. Why? Because we know the equipment and we know what to do with it and there are no preconceived notions about what sex looks like. That’s what makes lesbian sex so stellar -- and what I wish my straight friends could enjoy too. -- Jenny Block
Is One Of You Always The Aggressor In Bed?

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Not necessarily. Every relationship and every rendezvous is different -- just like with straight people. The kind of lesbian sex I enjoy the most is the kind I like to call "switch play." We switch roles depending on our moods and desires. -- Jenny Block
There’s No Way Queer Women Like Giving Blow Jobs, Right?
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Not all queer women want to have sex with men, but that doesn't mean we don't like to give or receive blow jobs. Strap-ons can lend themselves to exciting power exchanges between women, and can be empowering because they allow us to take ownership over heterosexual or gay sex acts. -- Alex Berg
Do Queer Women Have Threesomes?

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Generally when you hear the word 'threesome', you rarely picture it involving three women. Lesbians have a bad rep for being super jealous and emotional wrecks, but some of us actually enjoy switching things up. No "lesbian bed death" in this house. -- Arielle Scarcella
Lesbian Sex Is Inherently Safe Sex, Right?
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STD rates are lower among queer women, however, that doesn't mean we're completely free from risk. There are many ways to have safer lesbian sex, including latex barriers like dental dams for oral sex and gloves for fingering and fisting. And, don't forget to boil that dildo between uses! (Or put a condom on it if you are using it on multiple partners at once.) -- Alex Berg
Do Queer Women Like Ass Play?

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Queer men and straight couples don't get to have all the fun. Whether it's a dildo, vibrator, or fingers, lesbian sex can also include the back door. -- Alex Berg
Do Queer Women Really Fist Each Other? Does It Hurt?
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Fisting is a real thing. And no, if you’re communicating and doing it right, it doesn't hurt; it's awesome. -- Jincey Lumpkin
Do Queer Women Ever Just Want To Get Laid?

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There may be some truth to the age-old Uhaul joke about queer women, but like queer men and straight people, sometimes we just want to get laid. Lesbian sex can be just that: Sex, without feelings, and because it feels good. -- Alex Berg
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