I no longer have the desire to be famous
There. I said it.
Ever since I was six years old I’ve had a recurring problem:
I was never happy with where I was in the present moment.
I remember my 6th birthday party. I remember making my wish when I blew out the candles. I remember some big person, maybe it was my dad, asking me what I wished for. And I remember saying I wanted to be 10. Because 10 was two numbers and two numbers were better than one.
Damn.
And it snowballed from there. When I was 10 I wanted to be 13. When I was 13 I wanted to be 18. When I was 18 I wanted to be 20. I was never satisfied or content or happy just being where I was at any given point in time.
All this wanting morphed into a belief that I should be farther along my path than I really am. Which led me to develop my overachieving and overdoing and overly responsible habits. If someone was going to be 110%, it was going to be me.
It’s taken me nearly 53 years to finally figure out that there is no such thing as being more than 100%. All of me equals 100%. More of me, more of 100% is a figment of my imagination. And an unreasonable goal to aspire to.
The person I’m hardest on is myself. All this constant striving and driving for the illusive carrot at the end of a stick is just that: an illusion. And a vain illusion at that.
If I’m hardest on myself, it finally dawned on me that I probably come across as hard on others, too. As if I know what’s best for you. Ha! I don’t. I have no idea what’s best for you. Only you do.
So where’s this leading me?
I’ve decided to turn the dial on my kaleidoscope of life. My current view is still massively skewed to illusions, delusions, untruths, and false beliefs. I need to be in loving service to myself so that I can be in loving service to others.
Stop taking so much of what happens around me personally
I’ve been taking things way too personally - at work and in my family relationships. I need to be mindful and aware that when I’m taking things personally, it’s a recipe for hand wringing, angst, and stress. Not to mention the drama that ensues from misunderstanding the intentions of other people.
As don Miguel Ruiz writes in The Four Agreements, “nothing anyone says or does is about me…it’s mostly about them.”
Press pause more often
It’s time to take my own advice and press pause. I jump to decisions based on limited information and fill in the gaps with my own assumptions. Most of the time, I reach an incorrect conclusion.
Spend more time on my yoga mat
And this time I’m not just going through the poses. I will incorporate awareness with each breath and with each movement. Even though I teach yoga, I’m always, always, always a student first.
Awareness: I don’t know everything
If I can’t help myself, I’ll find someone who can. If I can’t help you, I’ll connect you with someone who can.
Remain curious
Somewhere along the line I stopped being curious. Why? Because my know-it-all monkey mind believed it knew everything. I think it still does so I need to counter balance it with curiosity. A few months ago I felt the urge to paint. Who me? Paint? This took a generous amount of curiosity and the suspension of many false beliefs about my own artistic abilities.
Take risks
Sure I can play it safe and go for the easy way or path of least resistance. Which, of course, creates a false sense of security and a false sense of self-importance. Taking risks means showing up real and stepping into uncertain and unknown territory. It also means shedding layers of my own pretense and make believe illusions I’ve created in my own mind.
Do more of what I love
I’m in my element when I’m teaching. Most of the time I teach what I need to learn even when I think I already know it.
And I love to travel, explore, and go on new adventures.
More than anything, I want to encourage YOU to do more of what YOU love.
Make no apologies for who I was, who I am or who I’m becoming
‘nuf said...and I’m willing to begin again and again and again. Every day is a first draft.
Stop multi-tasking
Sure, at times it’s necessary but not all. the. time. Multitasking is something I can no longer claim to be the epitome of a successful cat herder, writer, teacher, project manager, etc. Multitasking is one big reason why I find it so hard to be right here right now. Maybe you do, too.
To remain open to the infinite possibilities of whatever I want to happen
Again, it’s time to take my own advice and drop the how of things. My monkey mind is determined to convince me that it knows exactly how things should play out. It thinks it knows how to achieve exactly what I want. The truth is, my monkey mind knows jack squat. My monkey mind may come up with two or three ways (maybe four) to achieve X. And then it tries to convince me that these are the only possibilities. Talk about limited thinking.
The Universe knows way more than I do. Like galaxies upon galaxies upon galaxies more than I do. The Universe knows unlimited possibilities and outcomes. As long as I’m clear about the WHAT, I can trust that the Universe will deliver on the how.
To pay closer attention to what’s going on inside me rather than outside of me
The inner quite of discontent. The inner rustle of restlessness. Whatever you want to call it. For me it feels like course sandpaper being rubbed on the inside of my skin. Mindful time on my yoga mat will definitely help with this.
Reduce my time wasters
A month or so ago my twitter account was hacked and I was locked out. No matter what I did to recover my account, I got caught in the never ending black hole of Twitter non-support. At first I panicked. I had nearly 5,000 followers on twitter. What would they do without me? Excuse me while I have a good belly laugh.
Okay. I’m back.
I decided to create a new account but I’m not on Twitter the way I used to be.
A few months ago I deleted my Facebook “biz” page. I culled my friends list. I unfollowed a bunch of people who cluttered my news feed with mind junk. I’m still not done here. I find myself scrolling through my feed looking for…I don’t know what I’m looking for. Whatever it is, it’s NOT on Facebook.
As always, I’m a work in progress. I’m not aiming for perfection or 110% or to be the best of the best. I’m chiseling away the rough edges and peeling away invisible walls so my light can shine brighter from the inside out.
I’d love to hear from you. Are you in loving service to yourself and others?
Discover your own Pathways to Possibility, connect with Peggy, and download your free class today!