Trying to stay hip as a parent while teaching your kids to be working members of society is an uphill battle.
Lucky for you, we visited Toy Fair 2013 in New York to show you all the new toys that won't help you at all in your quest to make little Johnny a good person.
We don't remember our childhoods, and probably for good reason. If our pre-pubescent toys included anthropomorphized plush numbers, plastic taxidermy and Teddy bear body bags, we're glad we blocked that part out of our deteriorating minds.
But hey, we're not going to tell you how to traumatize your children. Check these out: