It's all about spending some QT with yourself.
By Zahra Barnes, SELF
Photo: Thomas Iannaccone
The fear of being alone is ingrained early on, basically as soon as you exit the womb. No one wants to be the person who doesn't know anyone at a party, even though if you look at it differently, it can actually be a fun experience. Really, an aversion to being alone is often a fear of loneliness that's gone to the extreme. You can have a fulfilling life but still choose to do things alone because there are experiences, like the following 13, that are sometimes better that way.
1. Go on an epic outdoor hike.
Like the kind where you're actively sweating, you realize you'll be sore for at least a day after, and there's an unbelievable summit at the top that will make it all worth it. Just be sure to be safe by going during the daylight with a fully charged phone, sticking to established trails, taking more food and water than you think you'll need, and letting someone know where you are and when to expect you back.
2. Hit up a party where you only know the hostess.
You're not technically alone in this scenario, since you do know one person. But hosting is tricky business, meaning that your friend won't be able to stick by you the entire night. You have a valid reason to cite for being at the party, but you're also forced to make new buds.
3. Explore your city for an entire day.
Load your phone with plenty of mood music, fascinating podcasts, or an audiobook you've been waiting to dive into. You can do some Googling to see if there are cool things you haven't seen yet, or you can strike out without any prior research to see what unexpected delights pop up during the day.
4. Have an orgasm.
Yes, this is called masturbating. Yes, it can be so much better than having sex with another person. Yes, it's an incredible way to figure out what you like, both on your own and with someone else. Any questions?
5. Take in some live music.
You know those times you find out an act you love is coming to your city, then ecstatically ask around to see which of your friends can accompany you, then your enthusiasm deflates like a punctured balloon because everyone's busy that night? Go anyway. People will be too focused on enjoying themselves to look over and judge you, unless they see you having an amazing time and think, "Wow, that woman is awesome, I wish I were that brave."
6. Travel to a bucket-list destination.
Maybe it's a road trip to a nearby hilarious roadside attraction, like the biggest hunk of cheese in your region. Or perhaps you want to go the full monty by boarding a flight to a completely different continent. Either way, solo travel can teach you enough about yourself to fill a book. You'll have to deal with obstacles, just like you do when you travel with another person, but that feeling of accomplishment after you handle them? All yours.
7. Cook a four-course meal.
People can fall into the habit of only cooking elaborate meals to share with other people, but why not boost your culinary confidence and please your taste buds by yourself? Curating your menu based solely on what you like and don't like is pretty freeing. It's also a simple way to be kind to yourself and emphasize that you're worth treating!
8. Watch a movie in theaters.
Think of all the benefits: no sharing your delicious movie snacks, no getting annoyed because your friend won't stop whispering in your ear, and no one getting irritated because you won't quit chatting instead. Everyone else will likely be too enthralled by the action to check you out and form completely baseless opinions about your existence. Plus, theaters are dark, so most of the time no one will be able to get a good look at you anyway.
9. Get even better at a hobby.
You can listen to language podcasts, start going to a belly dancing class, watch woodworking YouTube tutorials, whatever. The point is to improve a skill that you think is fun enough to not feel like real work. (It doesn't hurt that no matter what the hobby is, people will probably think it's cool when they find out you've taken the time to be good at it.)
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10. Eat dinner at a restaurant.
This takes some guts, even for the most seasoned alone-ers. When you're used to sharing meals with significant others, friends, and family, something about showing up to a nice meal on your own can just feel off. That's exactly why you should do it (without being on your phone the entire time!). You can take a book or people watch, but there's something intriguing -- and empowering--about feeling that discomfort, sitting with it, and proving to yourself that it won't wreck you.
11. Get your own place.
If you have the opportunity to live alone at some point, it can be a wonderful treat after dealing with roommates. You don't have to squabble about chores, everything can be exactly as you like it, and you're free to make the dress code no pants all the time. This can be an especially great choice if you're an introvert, so at the end of people-packed days you're able to come home and unwind on your own.
12. Go to a bar known for its cool people.
There's nothing wrong with grabbing a drink on your own, and it can actually be a clutch way to bond with bartenders or make new friends. Take a book along so if anyone bothers you, you have a convenient conversational exit strategy. But definitely think about which bar would make the most sense to do this, because showing up alone at a bar -- book or not -- will probably result in people hitting on you. That could be exactly what you want, if you're single and looking. If you're not, one helpful strategy is showing up during less populated hours, like a Sunday at 5:00 P.M.
13. Complete an impressive home improvement project.
The definition of "impressive" is subjective, FYI! It can be anything from updating your bathroom with a faux marble vanity to painting an accent wall in your bedroom to spray-painting a bar cart, then filling it up with your favorite liquid treats. Even if you live with another person, doing something for your home that makes you a little happier every time you see it is always a good thing.
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