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13 Sad-But-True Reasons I'm Apologizing to My Baby

It was when I was nursing my infant, for the millionth time it seemed, whiling away those 20 to 30 monotonous minutes, that I thought, I wish she would hurry the hell up and finish so I could have a glass of Chardonnay. And then I laughed. Out loud, to myself.
01/16/2015 01:40pm ET | Updated December 6, 2017
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When I first had my baby, I wasn't laughing very much. In fact, I wasn't doing much of anything except weeping, snapping at my husband and staring at the baby in disbelief that she was going to be in our home all the time. As all mothers know, having a baby is a gift and miracle, and it is also totally overwhelming.

One day, a few months in, I saw a vestige of my former self emerge. (Once you have a kid, time gets divided into "old me" and "new me" phases. Old me would have cursed that crying baby and its parents throughout the flight! New me would look at those tired, overwhelmed people and give them a sympathetic "I feel ya" nod).

It was when I was nursing my infant, for the millionth time it seemed, whiling away those 20 to 30 monotonous minutes, that I thought, I wish she would hurry the hell up and finish so I could have a glass of Chardonnay. And then I laughed. Out loud, to myself.

Damn, that's messed up! I immediately felt the need to apologize. Then I realized, wow, I could come up with a lot more inappropriate parenting thoughts to confess and apologize for. So I began to keep a list.

Soon, it was a few pages long. Adding to the list made me smile, every time. It was so much fun to poke holes in the rosy, child-friendly sentiments moms are supposed to think and feel. After hibernating for a while, my sense of humor was finally back.

I thought, if I'm thinking these un-PC things, other moms must be thinking them too. And I bet they could use a laugh.

Dear Baby XO, my site that's grown out of that idea, is a place to confess parenting crimes. Not REAL crimes. Crimes like telling your baby there are Cheerios in the hamper so she will climb into it and leave you alone for one second... or taking a picture of her face plant on the couch before helping her up.

Our community was created to make myself and other parents laugh; to bring lightness to people doing a super hard job, often in isolation; and to tell the messy, irreverent truth about parenting -- not the Hallmark version. Here are 13 of my favorite apologies:

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