You may have heard that long-term relationships eventually and inevitably become flat and boring. Many people believe this myth and expect this to occur to them. When they experience moments in which feelings of attraction, desire, or sexual excitement are not powerfully stimulating, they assume that the flame has gone out and that the future is bleak and uninspiring. Possessed by this expectation, many couples' relationships face a downward trajectory that often ends in separation or worse.
While it is impossible to prevent stale moments from occurring, it is possible to strengthen the substance of a relationship in a way that minimizes their impact and diminishes their frequency to a significant degree.
"What's the catch?" you might ask. There is none. Keeping your relationship fresh, passionate, and exciting--whether you're 20 or 90--just requires infusing your life with more fun and pleasure.
"I'd love to, but there's not enough time," you might say. But there is always enough time, depending on how you choose to prioritize it. Many of us assign higher priority to activities and commitments other than our relationships, not necessarily because we don't value our relationships, but because we take them for granted and create the false belief that we can afford to neglect our connection or put it on cruise control.
We assume that since we're committed, our relationship is solid and doesn't require the time, attention, and energy it did in the early, less secure, days. On the contrary, it's a big mistake to take your partnership for granted and assume that the relationship doesn't require the same kind of care and attention that it did before. If neglect continues for too long, it can be a recipe for disaster.
After several years, it's easy to take for granted what we used to appreciate. Couples might slide into just being roommates or business partners, or, if they are raising children, co-parents. While important, if those roles come to define the relationship, the vital component of being lovers can get squeezed out.
Taking time to honor the intimacy component of your partnership can become habit-forming. Try some of these 13, and add your own creative touches to the process:
- Identify which person can help deepen intimacy. In most relationships, there is one partner who places a higher value than the other on romance--and it's not always the woman. Since this person is more likely to notice when the romance is fading, he or she has more power to introduce corrections to foster more closeness and playfulness. They are not solely responsibility for keeping an eye on things, but because of their awareness, they are more capable of influencing the depth of your connection.
These emotional interchanges are the main meal of our relationships; sex is the dessert (and it's non-fattening). Taking time to make sure that the intimate aspects of our relationship are thriving works wonders for the partnership and our lives as a whole. Trying something new can promote more thrills and excitement than anxiety, if we are mindful about the ways we approach change. The lovers' aspect of our relationships thrive when we enjoy the art of bringing pleasure to each other. Additionally, we receive the added benefit of all those health-enhancing hormones running through our body that promote happiness and wellbeing.