Life is too short to be spent alone and sitting around wondering why no one wants to date you. Did you ever consider the possibility that it's really you, and not them? In my 20 years of relationship coaching, I've found several common threads amongst my most "undatable" clients, especially the ones that are completely unaware of the things they do to turn off potential dates. Listed below are the top 14 reasons you may be in the "undatable" category and not getting calls back for a second date. If any of them ring a bell, you might want to take a good hard look in the mirror and make a few adjustments.
1. You're irresponsible.
You're unreliable; whether it's taking out the trash, showing up on time or even paying your bills on time. You drive the latest model Mercedes, but your credit cards get declined at dinner. You cancel dates for no good reason. Simply put, you're a flake! Ain't nobody got time for that! That kind of unreliability is unattractive, and nobody wants to date someone who won't do what they say they're going to do.
2. You're a workaholic and don't know how to unwind.
You mistakenly believe that others will respect you and think you're more desirable if you constantly display your commitment to your career. To top if off, you have rigid rules when it comes to what you'll eat and drink, where you'll go and how many hours of sleep you need. Someday, when you learn to balance and let your hair down, maybe you'll score a date. Loosen up. The world isn't going to end if you become a little more flexible.
3. You think love will come to you.
Tick tock. That's the sound of your life passing by while you wait for someone to find you. Mr. or Ms. RIGHT won't come knocking on your door. Get your butt off the couch, look presentable and get out there.
4. You don't look datable.
You lie to yourself and say, "If anyone is going to love me, they're going to love me for who I really am on the inside and not what I look like on the outside." So you dress like a bum and wishfully believe someone will magically get to know the real you -- the one you keep covered up in a muumuu. If you've gone to the coffee shop or grocery store in sweats more than once this week, see an image consultant, immediately.
5. You have no class.
You give the word Neanderthal a brand-new definition. You don't know what it means to be a gentleman or a lady. You are quick to cause a scene, curse at people, snap your fingers at a waiter, chew with your mouth open and drink until you're belligerently drunk. If you condone any of these behaviors, you belong on "Jersey Shore," not on a date!
6. Your personal hygiene is at risk.
Not only do you look like a disheveled mess, you stink like a sweaty sock. And to top it all off, your place puts hoarders to shame. News flash, your home and body do NOT have magical cleaning powers. Wake up and smell the Irish Spring and Clorox!
7. You're too negative.
You're a negative Nancy or Ned. All you do is whine and complain about everything -- your life, your day, your job, your friends, your parents and the list goes on and on. You nag about your date, the restaurant and the entire experience. You're never satisfied and can't find anything good in a situation. Even worse, you refuse to do anything about it but run your mouth. Pay someone to listen to your cynical rants and keep it out of your dating life.
8. You're selfish.
You constantly take, take, take and rarely ever give back. You're so selfish and self-centered you don't even care to find out what a date would find interesting when planning a night out. (Hint: you took your last date to a steakhouse knowing they were a vegetarian!) You think the world revolves around you, and everyone else is background. Why don't you consider someone else for a change?
9. You're superficial.
You think every time you leave the house, it's an occasion. You take the same amount of time to get ready for the gym as you do for a wedding. Dates will quickly get turned off by what they will call high-maintenance personality. There's something called "inner beauty." Expect to be alone or surrounded by others who will see you as a depreciating asset.
10. You use cheesy pickup lines.
Less is more when it comes to sparking up a conversation. Ditch the cheesy lines and start with a simple introduction. After all, people appreciate genuine and honest conversation. Try something like "Hi, my name is... what's yours?"
11. You take people for granted.
Showing appreciation for people and their time is one of the most desired qualities in a date. If you are not polite enough to say thank you, please and you're welcome, don't be surprised if you don't get called back for a second date.
12. You're an opportunist.
You strategically align yourself with a potential date to connect with their circle of friends, money and lavish lifestyle. The truth will always surface, and it doesn't take much for someone to catch onto hidden motivations. Dating people for your personal gain is a ticking time bomb that will eventually blow up in your face. Date someone for who they are on the inside, not for their social status.
13. You're unemployed.
If you're wondering why people aren't walking away from you, but rather running for the hills (fast), the reason may be your unemployed status. If you're that guy or girl that's usually "in between jobs," you're pretty much putting your lack of commitment on display. Or worse, this may translate into wanting someone to take care of you. You may be non-verbally communicating that you're looking for a sugar daddy or sugar momma. If that's not the case, you should make finding a job a priority before dating someone. That way you can show them that you're a worthy life partner, not a potential financial burden.
14. You don't know how to communicate.
According to the Wall Street Journal, nagging is defined as "the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and both become increasingly annoyed." If you're a frequent nagger, consider it to be the quickest way to kill your dateability score. Learn to manage your expectations, be realistic, pick your battles wisely and become more self-aware about the way you go about communicating requests.
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