Poet Desireé Dallagiacomo has the perfect antidote to dreadful, groan-worthy pickup lines: the drop-off.
Dallagiacomo performed her slam poem, "Where Did You Get That Pickup Line? You Should Drop it Back Off," last week in a video produced by Button Poetry. It's ripe with responses to so many of the pickup lines that are annoying at best -- and offensive or threatening at worst -- to which women have grown so accustomed.
Here are all 15 of Dallagiacomo's powerful and hilarious "drop-off" lines:
1. Excuse me, sir? Are you the moon? Because I need you 238,000 miles away from me.
2. You make me want to go to Hogwarts so I can make you disappear.
3. Oh my God, you're so funny... Looking.
4. Are we at the rodeo? Because this conversation is bullshit.
5. You look so strong. Why don't you go take down the patriarchy and heteronormative ideals while I sit over here and watch?
6. Your advances and excess touching and jokes are all so funny, I decided to tell them to my lawyer.
7. You make me think all kinds of naughty things -- like where to hide a body.
8. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that line I would throw them all at you.
9. Damn dude, your ego is almost brighter than my future. And these lights.
10. You want to know how I got these guns? Working out, because I'm terrified of violent masculinity.
11. You remind me of 1919, the way I don't have a say in this.
12. Can I please have 78 percent of the time you're giving me? Please?
13. You and my bra have something in common: you're both annoying and make everything less enjoyable.
14. You look like a wonderful piece of meat. You would look great under a butcher knife.
15. You must be a tree -- the way I see you and think, leave.