Today as I write, it's the 14th anniversary of 9/11. Most of us will never run into a burning building or otherwise throw ourselves into harm's way to save another person's life. But we can and should thank those who do. And we can find countless ways in our own lives to make a heroic difference -- here are 10 of them:
1. If you smoke, quit. You'll inspire those closest to you, who want more than anything for you to be here and in good health. The irony, of course, is you need to quit for you. But I can tell you from experience your loved ones will still consider you heroic. If we don't show it, it's only because we don't want to embarrass you. As an old (smoker) friend of mine used to say, "Don't dork out."
2. Let someone else go in front of you in the grocery line -- or the freeway. How hard is it to give a break to someone who's obviously under stress or simply in a hurry? This sort of charity is so not me, which is why I find it so important.
3. Don't step on someone else's moment. What a shame if we did great heroic acts for all the world to see, and went through life undermining our friends, family and coworkers. When someone else is telling a story, for example, just smile and let them have the limelight. Sometimes we are most heroic when we let someone else be the hero.
4. Pay a kindness that can't be repaid. A few winters ago, I had the kind of flu where you can barely move. Remember that sort of haggard, burned-out picture of Bruce Springsteen on the "Darkness on the Edge of Town" album? That's exactly how I looked. But then my sister-in-law Kim showed up at my door with a grocery bag filled with meds and comfort foods, including chicken noodle soup, Seven-Up, and fresh raspberries. (Organic, of course.) After she left, I cried at the generosity of that. Even now, I'm getting teary-in-a-good-way just reliving it.
5. Get a physical (and maybe a flu shot). Last week, I had lunch with a friend who had just come from the doctor. Most men I know don't like going to the doctor. But this friend went and got a physical because he wants to be here for his kids and grandkids. I think it helps that he likes his doctor.
6. If you can, give blood. It's a great feeling to know you've made a lifesaving difference to a complete stranger or group of strangers. Even when it doesn't feel good, it is good. Besides, who doesn't love free junk food -- the kind they encourage you to eat immediately after donating?
7. Speak only kind words about your kids' other parent. I know several parents for whom this is next to impossible -- understandably so. But they bite their tongue and speak kind words anyway, because it's the right thing to do and it's best for their kids.
8. Turn complaining into "comedic storytelling." I borrowed this term from Raoul Martinez, with whom I do a Friday morning segment called "Ultimate Reminders." This morning's topic: What You Can Do to Be a Hero Every Day.
The point is, if you have to vent, as we all do at times, find the humor. My college roommate will sometimes text me about the excruciatingly hot, humid weather in Chicago where she lives. Then she'll add, "But I'm not bitter." Can we get those four words embroidered on a pillow? I would love to do a second weekly segment around that theme.
9. Live a little. That same friend who had just come from having a physical ordered a salad for lunch. Then he took me to his favorite pie shop. We did not share. But we laughed and took pictures, which was even better.
10. When someone you love is grieving, don't say, "If there's anything you need..." It only adds to the heaviness of the grieving person's heart. Instead ask, "What would be most helpful?" You might be blown away by the simplicity of the answer.
Along those lines, today would have been my cousin David's 45th birthday. He died of a medical error, just shy of turning 25. At the funeral home, someone asked his father what he could do to be most helpful. My big truck mechanic uncle didn't hesitate: "Go home and tell your kids you love them."
This is the everyday lesson for us all, even those of us who don't have kids: to make sure those we love and appreciate know they are loved and appreciated -- whether we say it with words, our time, our touch, our humor, or even our own blood.
Gina DeLapa is America's Ultimate Reminders coach and the creator of the Stuff You Already Know book series. Her wise and witty reminders ("If you don't like someone, don't go camping with them" and "Never cook bacon in the nude") will make you smile, laugh, think and act. If you're not already getting her FREE newsletter, Monday-Morning Pep Talk, sign up now at UltimateReminders.com.