The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Oct. 3-9)

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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.

Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

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A zillion seasons of Great British Bakeoff and I am no closer to understanding what they think a pudding is
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) October 3, 2020

I just saw someone refer to mansplaining as 'correctile dysfunction' so please excuse me while I laugh hysterically for 6 hours
— Anwen Kya 🏳️🌈🇪🇺🏴 (@Kyatic) October 3, 2020

I understand when children are twins, but adults????
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 8, 2020

hi! my name’s arabella: i’m a size 4, my parents bought me a house in london fields and here’s my 17 minute video on why YOU need to stop buying fast fashion!!!!!!!!!!
— lolly (@lollyadefope) October 6, 2020

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes???? Wtf??? My dogs don't even own bikes tf
— tott (@crazytott) October 5, 2020

Just accidentally spilled my cat’s food all over the floor and his reaction was.... a lot 😂 pic.twitter.com/xguYNF61qd
— Kelly-Leigh Cooper (@kl_coop) October 5, 2020

I would like to be cool enough to casually and affectionately call my friends "bitch" but I think I would mostly just keep apologizing
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 6, 2020

WHY are twentysomething women not in charge of contact tracing?? you could show my friends a photo of a random pub full of men and have their ages, occupations, probable marital status and star signs in under 30 mins! @ the government let's GO
— monicaheisey (@monicaheisey) October 7, 2020

just fell out a 50th story window and so far so good! feels like flying. don’t be afraid of falling out of windows
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) October 6, 2020

My screen time report this week just said “no it’s cool we get it”
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 4, 2020

Speaking as someone with a PhD in Roman history, putting your bodyguards at personal risk for no reason when your political support is already teetering is... an interesting choice
— Caroline Wazer (@CarolineWazer) October 4, 2020

yeah, i’m a superspreader. for my GIRLFRIEND
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) October 3, 2020

i just ran 4 and a half miles!!! that’s like 10 miles
— Beth McColl (@imteddybless) October 7, 2020

It's kinda cool to get to an age where being into "retro stuff" just means being into your own stuff
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) October 5, 2020

You ever notice we park in a drive way and cry in a drive way?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 6, 2020

i quit smoking for good !!
i smoke for evil now
— jjbinx ☆*:.｡💭 (@imjjbinx) October 7, 2020

the cdc: avoid large gatherings and wear a mask

me: ok i won’t see literally anyone or leave my bed ever
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) October 4, 2020

Me texting my family group chat: yeah I’m fine!

Claudia Conway: lol she isn’t fine she has depression she’s lying lol but whatever
— Sahana Srinivasan (@sahana_srini) October 6, 2020

Every day I have to ask myself if I answered an email or text IRL or in my mind.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) October 8, 2020

I've never looked into the eyes of a serial killer, but I imagine it's like when my dog stares at me while pooping.
— Marl (@Marlebean) October 8, 2020