The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
“That was the perfect amount of hand sanitizer on my hands” - no one ever
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) December 9, 2020
Due to personal reasons, I will only be jingling part of the way this year.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 7, 2020
Last night I discovered “minimalist nativity sets” and I am WEEPING pic.twitter.com/XuRoGq8i1v
— Kirby Jones (@kejones_) December 5, 2020
My 6 year old brothers teacher asked the class what’s their favorite season and he said garlic powder 😭😭😭😭
— KK🏆 (@kkstaackz_) December 3, 2020
made a small mistake..... should i let it haunt me for a decade or no
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) December 8, 2020
AirPods Max cost so much because there’s a kid named Max in there
— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) December 8, 2020
so according to my therapist i can just go outside in the winter...? something about that’s what coats and boots were made for? idk chile this lady just be talking sometimes.
— king crissle (@crissles) December 8, 2020
you’ve heard of fomo now get ready for fobi (fear of being included)
— i praydalor my sodakeep (@AlmondTiddies) December 9, 2020
"infant so tender and mild" suggests the existence of a spicy baby
— Bella Lara Blondeau (@vivarockbella) December 8, 2020
This Hanukkah we celebrate the $1,200 that miraculously lasted the beleaguered American people 258 days
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) December 10, 2020
My neighbor’s J fell down but this way is better. #2020 pic.twitter.com/eU9Zl9wiAi
— Monica Hesse (@MonicaHesse) December 7, 2020
macbooks really have the audacity to huff and puff and have panic attacks when i chronically have too many tabs open... girl, i paid $1,300 for you! go to therapy!
— black lives matter, karen (@amanixyasin) December 8, 2020
Cats show their love by stepping on you in the exact place that you are hurting
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 6, 2020
Release the vaccine in vape form and I promise no one will ask what is in it
— Caitlin (@caithuls) December 6, 2020
waiting out your girl's odious boyfriend is the worst! i always want to lean in and whisper: "i was here before you i will be here after you, bozo."
— so....what now? (@Muna_Mire) December 7, 2020
HOT Mesopotamian women in YOUR AREA!!! pic.twitter.com/hv45hANzqa
— jeannetmodi (@jeannetmodi) December 9, 2020
every retail worker should be allowed to murder one (1) customer during holiday season. i've been saying this for years. it works because its not an excessive amount of murder, but customers wont know which retail worker has already used up their annual murder.
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) December 6, 2020
why do men start podcasts instead of going to therapy
— jay (@flossybabyjay) December 6, 2020
mostly I would like a vaccine because when I see a baby I miss being able to able to make 3 to 4 faces and making the baby laugh. this is one of my strongest skills. I would like to do this again soon!
— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) December 6, 2020
earthquakes? groundbreaking stuff
— corri (@okiecorri) December 8, 2020
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