The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
i'm whichever meyers briggs type loses interest in finishing the test halfway
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) May 1, 2019
I’ve been forcing myself to not be petty all day and it has given me quite the headache.
— roxane gay (@rgay) May 1, 2019
What I'm thinking while packing my lunch in the morning: "Today I'm going to eat healthy."
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 30, 2019
What I'm thinking while eating my lunch in the afternoon: I shouldn't be allowed to make big decisions before 7 am.
FACT: NOT NOBODY is waiting for your response on LinkedIn
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 30, 2019
Passed a stroller and the baby inside was wearing sunglasses and jabbering on a cell phone with such confidence I’m sure she closed the deal
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) April 27, 2019
My internal organs when I wear high waisted jeans. pic.twitter.com/Ccps8ZrNGn
— Jen Lap (@jenlapcomedy) May 1, 2019
The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I'm 80
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 30, 2019
scrubs dogs half of my coat
— kim monte (@KimmyMonte) May 3, 2019
🤜👊🤛
hanging out the passenger side
of your best friend’s ride
Fingers crossed that everyone in Winterfell finds a way to solve all their problems by using CBD.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 29, 2019
Wherever all my Tupperware lids are, I truly hope that they are happy
— Samantha 🇨🇦 (@ItsSamG) May 1, 2019
No one, not even my most powerful haters, can stop me after my Midwestern-inspired bustier top I ordered off an Australian website arrives in 3-21 business days
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) April 30, 2019
*shows up 45 minutes late for my interview to be a cable installer*
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 1, 2019
Interviewer: “You’re hired.”
Owned by my boarding pass pic.twitter.com/3RWiWogPWL
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) May 3, 2019
You can just give us the recipe, bloggers. We don't need a 1,000 word dissertation about everything you've done in your life up until the point you put this food in the oven.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 1, 2019
[dipping my feather quill into the inkwell and adjusting my spectacles] dearest diary, it seems the day is different but the shit remaineth the same
— kaci sue who (@kacisuewho) April 30, 2019
me:
— ziwe (@ziwe) April 29, 2019
bank account: u broke bitch lol
every shirt Anthony Michael Hall wears in EDWARD SCISSORHANDS looks like something I would willingly spend $65 on from Madewell pic.twitter.com/WCn95VNyqe
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) May 2, 2019
Welp it’s that time of the night again where I rehearse confrontations I’ll never have and eat a cold pop tart
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) April 30, 2019
i do one thing a day that scares me. i wake up
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) May 1, 2019
my life hasn’t been right since i was 14 and watched a jenna marbles video telling me to wear two bras to make my boobs look bigger
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) May 2, 2019
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