1. I don't like it because you don't follow me back.
2. I don't like it because you don't like my posts.
3. I don't like it because it doesn't have 11 likes yet.
4. I don't like it because I don't want you to know that I'm creeping on your shit at 4 a.m.
5. I don't like it because I don't want you to know that I'm spending my Friday night on Instagram.
6. I don't like it because your humble brag isn't humble.
7. I don't like it because your post is 100-percent self-serving.
8. I don't like it because I'm jealous of your body.
9. I don't like it because bae wouldn't like it if I did.
10. I don't like it because it's a happy birthday post for someone I don't know.
11. I don't like it because I follow too many NYC food blogs to even notice it.
12. I don't like it because I'm driving and that's how people get killed.
13. I don't like it because I can't double tap the screen without putting down my pizza.
14. I don't like it because we slept together a few weeks back. Better to lay low for now.
15. I don't like it because I liked your last 3 posts and now I've got to play hard to get.
16. I don't like it because you employed enough hashtags to smother a small Grizzly bear.
17. I don't like it because other people on Instagram can see what I like, which is just weird.
18. I don't like it because it's an all-too-familiar post about you "officially" accomplishing something.
19. I don't like it because it's too personal for social media.
20. I don't like it, but I comment on it because liking is no way to communicate.