20 Things on a Toddler's Daily To-Do List

9. Test weight limit of refrigerator shelves by climbing up and down them. Grab juice box if available. Push milk carton to floor if necessary.

Chris Cate is a comedy writer, host of The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast, author of The ParentNormal Crash Course, father of three and sleeper of none.

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Check to see if it's time to wake up. If not, wake up anyway and immediately tell parents.

Stain a shirt or couch cushion.

Clean out a toy box and leave it empty.

Hide a TV remote control.

Find a corner to substitute as a bathroom.

Sneak cereal out of the pantry and pour it into a shoe in case of a snack prohibition.

Change settings on a phone.

Get into a losing argument.

Test weight limit of refrigerator shelves by climbing up and down them. Grab juice box if available. Push milk carton to floor if necessary.

Take parent for a long walk/run when they are least expecting it.

Beg for snacks in 15-minute intervals, even if a snack is in hand.

Continue to test theory that everything is attainable if a meltdown is long enough.

Wipe nose on a stranger.

Check the length of a roll of toilet paper.

Make sure all doors are open at all times, including the front door but especially the bathroom doors.

Create a wall mural with permanent markers or food.

Empty a bathtub of water on the floor like the tub is a sinking ship and/or the bathroom floor is on fire.

Throw a yogurt cup, toothbrush and tantrum.

Carefully select the sharpest toys and place them where a burglar or anybody walking through the house after 7 p.m. would least expect to step on them.

Fight sleep like it's trying to steal your family.

This post originally appeared on www.ParentNormal.com.

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