1. Ask her if she's lost her baby weight.
2. When she says she's not getting much sleep, tell her, "I could tell by looking at you."
3. Ask her how much sleep the baby is getting, and regardless of what she tells you, scowl.
4. Tell her how crucial it is for brain development to get the baby to sleep through the night.
5. Tell her how crucial it is for brain development not to let the baby cry too much.
6. Say, "Is he/she a good baby?"
7. Ask her if she's doing her Kegels.
8. Ask her what she does all day.
9. When she says she's surprised that she has no time to sit down and eat a meal, tell her to look at it as an opportunity to start losing that baby weight.
10. Ask her if she's unstimulated and worried that her brain is going soft.
11. Offer some helpful statistics about the failure of mothers to return to the workforce.
12. Offer some more helpful statistics about the failure of couples to resume a healthy sex life after having a baby.
13. Point out that she has dried spit-up on her shirt.
14. Inhale deeply and say, "Wow, I sure have missed that spit-up smell!"
15. Ask her if she's lonely and feeling friendless.
16. Ask her if she's worried about developing postpartum depression.
17. Remind her how lucky she is and ask her if she feels lucky every second of every waking hour.
18. Say, "Do you feel like your life is over now?"
19. Ask her if she can fit into all her pre-pregnancy clothing yet.
20. Ask her when she's going back to work. When she answers, scowl.
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