Hotel sex is a thing, which you know if you've ever had sex in a hotel -- or heard a certain R. Kelly song. There's a reason nobody's writing ballads about getting it on in your familiar, comfy bed after reading Good Night Moon to the kids. That's a reliable erotic standby, nothing to write (or sing) home about. Hotel sex, on the other hand, is a sexual luxury item.
Remember that R. Kelly jam: Then after the show it's the after party/And after the party it's the hotel lobby/And 'round about 4 you gotta clear the lobby/Then take it to the room and freak somebody
Escaping your day-to-day life and checking into a hotel is like trying on a new identity. The daily sense of discovery you get on vacation is one long delicious act of foreplay. You linger over indulgent breakfasts, wander unfamiliar streets, get a little day-tipsy on free-flowing wine. You lose yourself in a new place, get caught up in the sense of adventure and, hopefully, bring that sense of adventure back to your hotel bed...and bathtub...and balcony.
Throwing yourself into a different environment ignites that carnal desire and encourages you to have sex worthy of your surroundings (bye-bye missionary position). And that's whether you're staying at a sultry beach shack, a moody design den or a hotel that so overtly promotes the act it's almost impossible not to jump in the sack -- like the Mondrian in Miami, where rooms are stocked with an intimacy kit of condoms and lubricants, or the Drake in Toronto, which comes with a Pleasure Menu, complete with vibrators, massage oils and (ahem) velvet restraints.
Just as alluring as the hotel's far-from-home setting is the idea of having sex in a spotless environment that you're not responsible for maintaining. If you lived in a hotel, like a porny version of Eloise, just imagine all the domestic squabbles you'd avoid. "There aren't any distractions like the ones you have at home: dirty dishes, unpaid bills. Your daily life isn't staring you in the face," says Dr. Emily Morse, sexologist, couples therapist and host of podcast Sex With Emily. Instead it's just you, your partner, 400-thread-count sheets and a bottle of bubbly.
It doesn't matter if you're having sex with the same person for the 500th time, a person whose body you could sketch from memory; the crisp, anonymous nature of a hotel room always ups the sexual ante. And price point be damned: Every hotel, from your hometown Holiday Inn to a Paris penthouse, has its own erotic charm. So take it to the room and freak somebody. Responsibly.
Gramercy Park Hotel, NYC
Some of Hollywood’s biggest playboys have shaken the sheets at the historic Gramercy Park Hotel. Humphrey Bogart married his first wife on the hotel rooftop; Joseph Kennedy stayed there in 1938 (the same year he began his extramarital affair with silver screen siren, Marlene Dietrich); and The Rolling Stones checked in after finishing their first American tour. Give your leading lady the royal treatment by requesting the key (there’s only one) to the hallowed grounds of Gramercy Park, accessible exclusively to hotel guests. The doorman will escort you inside, where you can spend the evening whispering sweet nothings into your beloved’s ear.
Sextantio Le Grotte Della Civita, Italy
Fulfill medieval dungeon fantasies at the Sextantio Le Grotte Della Civita hotel in the Southern Italian village of Matera. You and your lover will dwell in abandoned caves bathed in a candlelit glow, and set against a backdrop of ancient churches and the rugged Italian hillside. Guestrooms are all about sensuality, with rustic fireplaces, freestanding bathtubs and stone balconies. Up the romance factor with an in-room couples massage, candlelit dinner, private cooking lesson, or wine tasting in the property’s 13-century rock church. Now that’s real love.
The Drake Hotel, Toronto
Fancy a pleasure feather? How about a smokin’ between-the-sheets session with Charlotte’s famous “Rabbit Pearl” of Sex and the City fame? (“I know where my next orgasm is from. Who here can say as much?”) Get accustomed with these, ahem, goodies, at The Drake Hotel, the sine qua non of Toronto’s hip boutique hotels in the bohemian Queen Street West neighborhood. The bedside “Pleasure Menu” has all the toys you could possibly need to turn things up a notch, including a curated collection of steamy flicks, a silk blindfold, warming liquids and massage oils. Also included in the tickle trunk? A 24- carat dildo for lovers with a penchant for precious metals.
Alila Villas, Bali
Bed down at Bali’s most seductive cliff top hideaway, the Alila Villas Uluwatu hotel—it’s the perfect escape for those who like to mix love with nature. Each of the airy villas has a private infinity pool, dramatic Indian Ocean views and minimalist rattan and wood furnishings that never compete with the beauty of the natural surroundings. During your stay you’ll be assigned a 24-hour personal butler who will tend to you and your partner’s every need, whether that means an indulgent Balinese couples massage at Spa Alila or a private dinner at the cliff’s edge. For the perfect mix of romance and adventure, hike through the jungle to Uluwatu’s seaside temple, where bare-chested Indonesian men sway to the hypnotic rhythms of the Kecak fire dance.