21 Signs You're Dating a Product Manager

For me, it was hard to tell when I was dating a product manager. Just kidding, I'm not that desperate. But you might be. And if you are, here are the signs to look for.

You might be dating a product manager if....

  1. When trying to convince you to go out with him, he mentions the success rate of his other dates.

  • He tells you what time to meet but shows up 20 minutes after that.
  • When the table wobbles at dinner, he gets the engineer at the next table to fix it, but still takes credit for it.
  • He refers to your dates as '1 on 1 time'.
  • He always asks if he can ask a question before he asks a question.
  • Instead of asking the waiter how the chicken is, he says, "What's your poultry story?"
  • He argues with you using bullet points in a PowerPoint presentation.
  • He spends so long stack ranking different movie options that you miss the movie.
  • Picking a sexual position involves extensive A/B testing.
  • He likes his pillow talk in a 15-minute standup format.
  • He refers to your life dreams as a "list of asks".
  • When you want to try something new, he mentions a conversation he had with his CEO about innovation.
  • When you travel, your itinerary is called an action plan.
  • His idea of engaging with you has nothing to do with an actual engagement.
  • He wants to review all the documentation from your previous relationships.
  • He uses other women's advances as leverage to get more laptop time.
  • He stalks your ex-boyfriends and calls it 'competitor research,' then proceeds to do the exact same things they did.
  • He says he values your opinion, but still completely ignores you.
  • He refers to you as Girlfriend 3.0.
  • You know he's in love when he looks at you the way he looks at his phone.
  • After you break up, he requests a relationship postmortem.
  • *These signs apply to female product managers as well.

    If you enjoyed this, check out The Cooper Review for more funny stuff.